The power of the Blog, has it created....A MONSTER!?

Disclaimer : Chris is about to rant, his opinion isn't necessarily echoed by members of the whiteboydancefloor team.


Its a wicked double edged sword this blogging thing. A band like Clap Your Hands Say Yeah! were justifiably lifted out of total obscurity into the limelight through blogs (albeit with a bit of hyperbole) and web zines. Yet now we are left with this.
http://www.myspace.com/arcticmonkeys
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,17994304-2,00.html

Is this meant to be a joke? I mean, they are unorginal and untalented. Its all just rehashing old punk and rock drum beats, timing and chord progressions. There is nothing new, revelatory or fresh about what these poms are trying to pass off as music. Exuse the colloquialism, but they plain suck. 'Dont believe the hype' screams their MySpace headline. Is this an admission from the band themself that 'yes, we truly suck but people like us to be cool or whatever so were going with it'? Who knows, i dont care what they think, i just want them to shut up and die. Wow they talk about issues effecting British youth. If you want that, listen to The Smiths or a band who do it and are actually good. Your a hooligan and you want sympathy when a cop beats you up? I admire the cop, i wish he stepped on your trachea in the process Alex Turner so you couldnt 'sing', you git. I dont like to be told a new band is 'hip', and 'cool' and 'best band since such and such' when its a lie. Maybe i shouldn't be cranky at them. Its not their fault they suck and became famous. Its the bloggers, trying to be cool by saying this band is and in turn influenced the weak 'indie' kids to swallow them like a packet of rancid jawbreakers. Its the NME, the most buttfucked music magazine in the world who cream their pants at the sight of a band that hasn't been discovered yet. Who cares if they suck, they are young and 'retro-esque' so let's put them on the cover. And its the consumers, who are actually buying the album. Bollocks to them, they wished they looked good on the whiteboydancefloor but no, you've been ejected from the floor.

BDO 06 : The first installment

I dont know what the rest of Australia do for Australia Day, because in Sydney, the 26th of January means its time for the southern hemispheres greatest travelling festival, the Big Day Out to roll into town. The day is all a bit of a fast moving haze; the train ride, the march from the station, the crush to push through the bag check and the eventual foetus out of the womb moment of stepping into the main arena, being met with an orgy of heads, sweat and sound seems to occur instantaneously. There was a slight cloud cover in the morning but we knew that it was going to be hot, sunny and sweaty. Welcome to the Big Day Out 06, Sydney style.

My experience kicked off in the electronic music enclave of the Boiler Room with a small sampling of ultra-hip electro outfit The Presets. Forget End Of Fashion, forget Wolfmother and those other pretenders on the scene, these guys are the hottest act in Australia at the moment and prove why Australian electronic music at the moment is kicking some serious ass. At times they almost channel New Order, but that isnt a bad thing at all.

After a small trek back to the main arena of the Sydney Showground i was greeted by Magic dirt, who again prove why they are the most pointless band in the country. Uninspired, tired and far too safe, Adilita needs a paper bag for her head, and a mute button for her voice. To the delight of the throng of black shirted metal brigade, Mudvayne followed soon after, delivering a tight and proficient set void of any real highlights or great variety sonically. Maybe im just not a huge fan of this sort of music but if you dig it, they played a mighty solid set.

Then followed one of the most profound musical moments i have experienced. I saw The Go! Team play live. For the mass of people who hit the Essential Stage to see them, they were served a set full of colour, energy, dancing and a plethora of cool samples and odd instruments, including the exquisite banjo section in 'Everybody's a V.I.P to someone'. I danced, i wanted to cry tears of joy, i waved my arms in the air and i clapped my hands on command. Two drummers, a hyperactive lead singer and a guitarist who by the end of the set had played at least 6 or 7 different instruments flooded the senses. This is what music is all about. I couldnt stop smiling and neither could anyone else present. I doubt that show will be matched any time soon for me. Go Team!

I reluctantly shuffled off after that set and saw dabblings of both the Living End and Kings Of Leon, who both turned on solid performances, the former revelling in the flood of patriotism present in the crowd with a set full of great aussie rock. However, much of their music is beginning to get tired and samey, but fingers crossed the new album isnt so. I wish i had seem more of both acts, however Elfonzo didnt miss a note so he will fill you in on the goss there.

My trek continued back to the boiler room, where LCD Soundsystem's James Murphy was finishing off what seemed to be a great set with danceable beats at times on the harder side of the electro scale. But i wasnt there to see him spin some tunes, i was there to see Sri Lanka via London sensation M.I.A. The seemingly virgin crowd were treated to Maya's clever and poigniant rhymes, intriguing dance moves and Diplo's willing and able DJing mixing grimey hip hop, dancehall and tribal rhythms. The beats were hawwt, the energy oozed out of the stacks and the crowd was grooving. M.I.A. came to the boiler room and kicked some major ass. Not even some technical problems with the video screens could sour this performance as the beats broke, the melodies glitched and her voice hit all the right syllables.

Moving on from the fresh to the old school, it was time for James Osterberg aka Iggy Pop to grace the stage with the band that created punk rock: the Stooges. They may be old, but they know how to put on a great rock show. To the tune of classics such as 'I wanna be your dog', Iggy humped the stacks, pushed a cameraman out of his way, was physically embraced by members of the crowd and invited punters on stage, who replied by storming over the barricades and security guards and rocking out side by side with the godfather of punk himself. That was pretty punk rock in my book, pretenders get out your notepads and put away the eyeliner. Iggy had imense stage presence, his snarl as vicious as ever and the rhythm section dirty and slick all at the same time.

The Mars Volta was next on the list and since i first saw them play live in 04, they have become tighter, somehow found a better map to go by in their improvisation and have discovered the art of melody. It was an intense, passionate, almost overwhelming, cohesive and near watertight performance that surprised and impressed me. They are a sublimely talented group of musicians who are musicians in every sense of the word. Their older material has evolved in the live medium and sits nicely alongside their more recent work from 'Frances the mute'. This band are pretty important, as long as their songwriting stays strong they may continue to fly the prog-rock flag for a long time to come and even eventually (gasp!) surpass ATDI as the more accepted and acclaimed Omar/Cedric project.

Then next door aussie band Cog, who have been the subject of great praise as of late hit the stage to what seemed to be a rabid and loyal crowd. Their sound is hard to pin down, with some moments that unfortunately screamed Nu-Metal, and some that border on art-rock. They didnt hit all the right buttons for me, but they sound much better live than their recordings. To end the evening, Trans-Tasman titans Shihad hit the stage and boy did they disappoint. Their lack of variety is their weak point with predictable songs and lazy songwriting, however their energy is infectious but that wasnt enough to win me over in the end. Come on, i saw The Go! Team that day, what hope did they have of leaving a mark on me?

Overall musically, the day wasnt as good as the previous years BDO, however the more lesser lights seemed to shine the brightest this year and at times made some of the bigger bands look inept and bland. Independent music, the unconventional and a dinosaur band delivered the goods. And once again, the punters were the winners. Long live the BDO.

Coming up next, Elfonzo's view and the Fun Boys take the BDO by storm!!!

Prepare for FunBoy Big Day Out Action!

In the Coming Days... Possibly even weeks my good people. Prepare for a complete post-a-thon regarding the wonderous splendour that is Big Day Out Sydney 06 Reviews. All attending in the FunBoy camp had an absolute blast and this will all be documented in the posts to come.

Expect pictures, stories, setlists, band reviews, big day out food reviews, how you too can become a funboy for next year, links and all the lowdown on merchandise, alcohol and much much more!

So strap yourselves in Whiteboydancefloor viewers and prepare for some non-stop big day out entertainment. I wont lie like your going to imagine you were actually there... becuase if you didnt go then you cant fathem something like this... but it may just make you want to go next year!

06 may just be the YEAR OF THE FUN BOY

Clubbing and Gigging - 26-28 January

Thursday 26th

Big Day Out - Sydney Showground
Iggy and The Stooges, White Stripes, Kings Of Leon, The Go! Team, M.I.A, Kid Kenobi, Common, The Presets, Cut Copy and a thousand More
SOLD OUT

Friday 27th

Ministry of Sound Clubbers Guide to 06 CD Launch @ Embassy Hotel, Cnr Union La and Station St Penrith
Free before 10, 9pm-3am

Sublime @ Home Nightclub, Cockle Bay (Every Friday)
Amber Savage, Nik Fish, Elroy, Peewee Ferris and more
$25

Defected In The House @ Tank, Bridge Lane Sydney (Every Friday)
DJ Spen
$25 10pm-6am (Leave the nice shoes and shirts at the door for this one)

Art presents Mark Dynamix, Yu Nightclub, 171 Victoria Street, Potts Point
$10 10pm-6am

Party Local at...

Mean Fiddler, Windsor Rd Rouse Hill

Castle Hill Tavern, Victoria Ave Castle Hill

Roxy Hotel, George St Parramatta (Suburban RnB)


Saturday 28th

Kings Of Leon @ The Enmore Theatre
Feat The Subways and the Mess Hall
Tix thru Ticketek

Tank's 5th Birthday @ Tank, Bridge Lane Sydney
Sneaky Sound System, Kevin McFarlane
$25 9.30pm - 6am

M.I.A @ The Metro, George St Sydney
Tix thru Ticketek

Laundry @ Chinese Laundry Cnr King & Sussex Sts Sydney
John Course, Rob Kay (Cabin Crew), Mark Dynamix and more
$10 before 10 or else $20

Party Local at..

Castle Hill Tavern, Victoria Ave Castle Hill (Solid Gold)

Roxy Hotel, George St Parramatta (Boogaloo Nights Funky House)


UPCOMING SHOWS...

FEB 18 - Diplo - Mandarin Club
FEB 18 - Good Vibrations - Centennnial Park
MARCH 4 - Broken Social Scene - Metro Theatre
APRIL 12 - Sigur Ros - Enmore Theatre
APRIL 19 - The Mountain Goats - Annandale Hotel


Thanks to Three D World and Drum Media for dates

We now come freshly squeezed EVERY DAY!

Thats right, as of today 5 days a week, Monday to Friday (the weekends are for dancing duh),whiteboydancefloor will be delivering you freshly squeezed content. With regular features like the Track of the week on Tuesday and the Clubbing and Gigging Guide on Wednesday, coupled with our regular reviews, news and features, there are now more reasons to get informed with whiteboydancefloor. Stay tuned for more from the 'floor, including our comprehensive review of the Big Day Out, all coming up in the near future. So keep dancing motherfuckers, leave comments because we love your input and tell your friends about us.

Much love from the whiteboydancefloor team.

In The Rearview Mirror: The Cure - Disintegration

Here on whiteboydancefloor we will not only feature the latest albums in our reviews, we will also from time to time look back on the greatest albums ever recorded. In the first instalment, The Cure's 1989 album 'Disintegration'.

Disconnection and Depression in music aren't new, they are concepts not held exclusively by the neo-emo set which appears to be the primary purveyor of such themes in music today. Bands in the ilk of Joy Division forged careers on similar ideas of angst and despair in the 1980's along with the giants of alt/goth/pop/rock, The Cure. If rock radio is accurate in its retell of history, songs such as 'Friday I'm in love' and 'Boys don't cry' may portray this band as a feel good pop act, with only minor dabbles into more complex and darker emotions. However the truth is 1989's 'Disintegration' might be an album many people have missed in their scant dealings with this great band, but is without doubt their most defining, and finest moment.

A sombre and grand affair throughout, the albums instrumentation is dense and expansive, with delays and electronic strings everywhere. This augments the undercurrent of heartache and pain, where Robert Smith's fractured and desperate vocals melodicising his yearning and sadness. 'Plainsong' kicks off the album with a conversation, a conversation in weather metaphors intertwined with convergent glittering and menacing noise. The drama continues through tracks such as 'Last Dance' and 'Prayers for Rain' which punctuate the record with the theme of lost love and the despair of loneliness. Some of the albums highlights ironically come from its most perky and feathery. 'Lullaby' evokes childhood nightmare images of Spiderman 'coming to eat you tonight' through Smith's sly near-whisper and a more up-tempo feel. 'Lovesong' is detached from the loneliness and despair of the rest of the album, with Smith reflecting on his current love and comes to terms with distance in the relationship. This track, the most conventional 'pop' song and most accessible track on the album feels almost out of place musically and conceptually amongst the swirling darkness and emotional complexity of The Cure's masterpiece. Almost.

If you had to pick a stand out track, 'Pictures of You' would probably be it. A stunning 7 and a half minute long piece, characterised by a swirling guitar line, deep and emotive bass and a mix of bleak and sombre colours with sparse uses of a brighter palette that shimmers against the clouds. A song focused on yearning and nostalgia, using the photo of his object of affection as a centrepiece 'I've been looking so long, at these pictures of you, and I almost believe they are real', and a point where Smith recalls 'you standing quiet in the rain as I ran to your heart to be near'. This sort of imagery is present at every turn, with it creating drama and beauty in the same breath.

For some, the sheer weight of emotion and texture that defines 'Disintegration' may be a turn off. With songs that aren't what you would call 'accessible' and 'catchy', this record may take a few deep listens, a fair slab of heartache or a sampling of your favourite poison to reveal its true beauty. If it happens to strike a chord somewhere inside of you, it will be sustained long after music has been muted. Kyle from South Park was pretty close to right when he said 'Disintegration' is the greatest album ever made.

Let's all listen to Ozma

It was the autumn of 2002 when this band called Ozma first graced my ears. I was a weird looking wannabe punk rock kid, pretty nerdy, I had just formed my first band and was an emotional slave to a ridiculous crush. I heard 'Domino Effect' on a sampler and it blew me away. It was a revelation. They weren't punk rock per se, but they were on Kung Fu and they had guitars so they must be sort of punky right? How wrong I was, but that mix of Super Nintendo-esque keyboards, slightly crunchy guitars, the undeniable influence of Weezer and their heartfelt lyrics tugged on my impressionable 15 year old heart strings and became an anthem for me. I continued to explore their catalogue, and songs like 'Shooting Stars' and 'If Only I Had A Heart' made me into an even softer, malleable and emotional version of myself. But I loved every note, every cheesy love-lorn lyric and every irresistibly synthesised riff. A few years on, I still do, minus the silly middle-adolescent pining. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.

Stream some tunes at their MySpace profile here or buy their stuff from Amazon.com

The Top 5........Electronic artists you should be listening to.

In the first installment of the 'Top 5', ill tell you the best electronic artists doing the rounds at the moment and why you should be listening to them. You will listen to them because whiteboydancefloor told you so ok? Good......

5. Matias Aguyao - He's deep, dark, funky and intriguing. The album 'Are You Really Lost' was met with critical acclaim, as it weaves through electronicas darker moments, it borders on sleaze and decadence.

4. Vitalic - Storming into the boiler room for Big Day Out '06, Vitalic's mix of rock infused electro will get you moving ever so slightly and reels out the synths and vocal samples you would expect from this side of electronica.

3. Boards Of Canada - Kings of ambient electronica, this Scottish tour de force deliever their new album 'The Campfire Headphase' with beauty and subelty. They will sweep you away but this one isnt for the white boy dancers in the building.

2. Xiu Xiu - Ill be honest, Xiu Xiu are scary. A mix of gitchy electronica, harder synths and Jaime Stwearts haunting vocals forge a sound that is difficult to listen to with the lights out. The music is tortured and possesed, and i love it.

1. The Juan McLean. LCD Soundsystem may be bigger, but DFA records real trump card is the Juan McLean. Less Than Human was one of last years best releases, and with its mix of Kraftwerk-esque beats and blips and slight disco and house tendencies, is ironically one of the most personable and emotive electronic records out at the moment.

Review: The Strokes - First Impressions of Earth

Rather than beginning on a dull and unoriginal review of the year that has left us, I thought I'd leave dwelling in the pastfor another blog. For now, it's looking ahead to the new year and onward to exciting new releases. As an inaugural review, I couldn’t go past the refreshing third studio album "First Impressions of Earth" from those New York unfashionable yet fashionable unfashionables... The Strokes.

As much as it pains Elfonzo Von Popintickel to admit it, this is another solid release from the pretencious retro brats, As I like to affectionately call them, the to-die-4 ringtone band, produce a much longer album than before which contains enough of the same with a healthy addition of the new. In obviously clever fashion, "First Impressions of Earth" opens with "You Only Live Once" and "Juicebox", which any Strokes fan who has an internet savvy download pirate for a friend would have already heard, it allows Stroke fans and listener to get off on the right foot... stay in some familiar territory before the Strokes begin to branch out too far. While in this writers opinion, "Juicebox" does have some new territory for The Strokes within it (a.k.s non repetitive non one note bass lines), the songs instancy is likable enough to fool listeners into not feeling to pressed against their musical boundaries... atleast not yet anyway.

Moving on..."Heart in a Cage”" is in many ways, the sedate, mild little sister of an old school power metal song with its repetitive drumming and dominating highly attuned riffs between verses. While an interesting song, once "Razorblade" really kicks in, it is in this writers opinion clear that the first three songs were merely paving the way for 'Razorblade'. Not only a definitive Strokes noise, it lays claim to without doubt the most ringtone infused, Super Mario friendly riff this band has ever produced.

Thankfully for the sake of every critics job future, this album does miss a beat and that is 'Ask me anything', never have these New York glamour poofs made a faux pas as big as this song. It is by far the most distant in approach from any of their previous work and lets hope this is as far as they go. Missing the crucial wank strumming guitars, 'Ask me anything' only implores the listener to ask why the fuck this fecal matter saw the light of day. Oww and don’t skip further into the song, the start doesn’t build to some great climax that makes you reflect on the intro as a master STROKE (iroooony) but rather almost make you want a refund purely because of this song. It's classical almost cello like stylings just make you wish that frontman Julian Casablanca followed the advice of his own lyrics when he sings "I've got nothing to say"... if only we should have been so lucky!

In finishing out the albums, songs like "Fear of Sleep" and "Ize of the World" just do enough to ensure that those choosing to burn this cd off the net like myself or dare I say, BUY IT :-\ are able to be fearful enough of sleep to actually hear the end of the album. Mind you, after hearing "Ask me anything" if you have not already packed your bags to live in the forest only take devandra banhart, discography, then after receiving your bravery medal, you'd know the album recovers well.

In keeping my first entry as short as a European dictator but longer than a pornstars sock draw, Overall the album provides a much more in depth and exploration of The Strokes sound. Longer than any of their previous releases yet surprisingly not a great amount of filler. Where it tricks the listener is that it could be said, the album is only impressive because compared to previous releases from the Strokes, this one has an added dash of unique music that is also interesting beyond the first 2 singles.

Do the Popintickel and Groove it All About!

Happy New Year to all you groovers out there!

Welcome one and all to Whiteboydancefloor, Elfonzo Von Popintickel here, and pleasure to have you reading these words. Please... do not stop now, we've only just began! Wondering whether the hype lives up to the site? For the sake of both you and me, I surely hope it does. You might be wondering, "Why on earth does Whiteboydancefloor have Elfonzo Von Popintickel on its payroll"? Well wonder no longer, for I am here to review all the latest, greatest, oldest, worstest and weirdest albums that have graced those fortunate enough to have ears...or h'earing aids. While this all sounds very much like a merry-go-nowhere of words, in short, it means, I review whatever tickles my elfonzo! Oww what’s that you say? Don’t think worstest is a word? Then get the fuck out before I crack my monicle! Oww sorry what's that your mumbling?... When you type it in Microsoft word a funny red line signals the all encompassing truth that worstest is not a real word! Well you can search your funken wagnells all you want... I don't care.

However back to the point at hand... in my first review, I shall kick off the year on a mild note as I'm still recovering from the apple-cranberry schnaps which played a leading role in my new years eve cocktail swaray. The Strokes - First Impressions of Earth seems an ideal way to begin the year. Some of you may be familiar with my previous work... some of it I am not to proud of though. I used to be employed by Coldplay to pleasure their supermodel girlfriends, writing average reviews so that the bad reviews that portray them as b-grade sleep inducing grandpa's wouldnot see the light of day, aswell as head of the "Pretend to Like Coldplay while Working from Home" internet scheme. In general, I was there to do everything in life that Coldplay lack at doing... eg. being real people and making friends with people who are yet to have a lubotomy.

Whiteboydancefloor promises to be quite the read, and as such, it would benefit you if you kept coming back everyday. Might even give you something to talk about when you go out to clubs on the weekend rather than endlessly reciting "how great the form is" or "check out the talent tonite" in comments to your best mate while he thinks to himself...form...talent... these words are choice... Infact, I'll go as far as saying, while your talking to that perfect girl in your semi drunken state and suddenly it dawns on you that you are uninteresting and boring, I'll allow you to name drop the old Elfonzo just so you might get lucky while she makes love to you, picturing my long and free european locks, strong hands and authentic portugese moustache.

Well when all is said and done, heres to 2006 my good people, may it be filled with drunken and poorly coordinated dancing all across this fine globe of ours. And to finish this brief introduction I say this to you, I'm fine with you reading Whiteboydancefloor before you go out for a big night, but no matter how impressive, interesting and informative we are in forming opinions for you, don’t let our brilliance prevent you from hitting that dance floor with hilariously enjoyable consequences.

Until Next Time, I'm Elfonzo Von Popintickel... and I'd just like to call YOU my bitch!

Mylo is a white boy's best friend

Scottish DJ/Producer Myles MacInnes aka Mylo released arguably the best album of 2004 in 'Destroy Rock n Roll', a pastiche of funky 80's-style grooves, seriously danceable house and some deeper downtempo sounds. So nearly two years on, why on earth are white boys all over the planet still shaking their lanky arses to his tunes in clubs everywhere, most notably the instant classic 'Drop The Pressure' and its various remix and mash-up incarnations? The first mp3 of the week may explain why. The ultimate of movers on the dance floor, MJ, and Mylo in one interesting mash up, Drop Me Bad indeed.

Youve only got 2 weeks till this baby expires so download quick!

Mylo vs Michael Jackson - Drop Me Bad

Hey Hey, welcome to the inagural installment of whiteboydancefloor. A place where skinny indie kids, photo-shopping emo fags, fat and lonely music nerds and drug-fucked trance junkies can come together and collectively read about and explore the wonderful world of music through the mirror ball of the whiteboydancefloor.

Our blog was officially launched last night at a gala function in Sydney with all the pompous, cocaine-sniffing, ho'uer d'ourve shovelling, cabernet merlot guzzling and clap your hands say yeah!ing pretence you've come to expect from indie music websites and their self-important posturing.

As a service to you, we will offer music news that is important, like the fact that Devendra Banhart chopped up the remains of the guitar he smashed over Conor Oberst's head after he claimed to be 'folky' and made it into a refuge for small birds. Album reviews where we show you that the Coldplay album you liked, and thought it was the greatest thing your ear drums have ever had the pleasure of compressing and sending to your brain, is actually only useful as a lesson to a music class of year 8 glue-gobblers how not to create their rudimentary composition assignments.

Each of our writers has completed the necessary qualifications to be a self-appointed music aficionado; they are sad depressed loners, have a non-existent sex life, can see the irony in saying that pop music is 'cool' and 'well constructed' and a wealth of usless music trivia questions which when used on a date, cause point number two to be the case.

So heres to yet another bunch of louts spraying their opinionated and hyperbolous graffiti over the already crowded interweb. Get your ass on to the whiteboydancefloor and dance, motherfuckers!

Shake It!
Chris