Whiteboydancefloor has been operating since 2005 and in that time we have grown from myself (Pix) and Chris to now include four other bloggers; Javid, Nancy, Dean & Clint. Our musical tastes are all so very different and I think the amount of music we all disagree on only makes for more diverse take on music.
Nancy Magoo
Nancy Magoo and Whiteboydancefloor first crossed paths when Nancy began commenting our pathetic attempts at blogging. Commenting led to googling our names, which led to prank calling our houses, which naturally led to her becoming a contributor. With a name like Whiteboydancefloor, we simultaneously offended blacks, females and those couldn’t dance. Whiteboydancefloor needed to fill it’s minority quota... and fast! Through Nancy’s addition to Whiteboydancefloor we not only filled our token minority position but also added some much needed blogging credibility to our ranks. Nancy also graces her unique opinions on the readers of Soundproof Magazine, Mayoress and of course her own outstanding blog, All The Way With Stephanie K.
In January 2003 Nancy was the dictator of a small South-East Asian nation and her unique blend of quasi-capitalist policies and her penchant for unrelenting military expansion ensured her brief brush with power was an unrivaled success.
After her on-again-off-again relationship with a neighbouring dictator caused political uncertainty for her people, Nancy was unceremoniously dethroned and exiled to Japan where she spent a brief stint as executive producer of Takeshi’s Castle. It was during this time that her plaudits brought her to Australia as an advisory consultant to Channel Nine however her recommendations to execute the entire Channel Nine stable sparked details of her previous political career coming to light and she was subsequently let go as a result of her penchant for good taste.
Nancy has the ability to be twice as offensive as any Caucasian male and has become a true pasty vanilla white boy as fast you can say “I have a dream”. A better looking, funnier or more talented Melbourne correspondent there is not.
Clinton
Clinton is our man for all things remixed and frequently attends festivals around Sydney. His hair and face are native only to himself and angels. When Clint wakes up in the morning, an army of medium sized children or very small adults (we aren’t sure) tend to Clinton’s every beauty need. From conditioning his wavy brunette fringe to removing every strand of superfluous body hair, these minions ensure that the perfect specimen that is Clinton will be preserved for future generations. Clinton’s soft and supple hands are either a testament to the hard work of his underage army or to the fact that he does bugger all work!Javid Van Der Piepers
Essentially, Javid is the angriest human being on the planet. He has born in the base of a windmill in a tulip field west of Amsterdam on a sunny spring afternoon to father who was an astute farmer of even temperament and a mild mannered mother who sold clogs at the local market. All was serene and peaceful in Javid’s life, until one day when he was 7, a day at the Plaatselijk voetbalveld a younger boy named Arjen Robben preceded to mock Javid’s clumsy goal celebrations in his size 27 clogs. Javid’s blood pressure rose to boiling point and he proceeded to rip the hair from Arjen’s scalp and subsequently fashioning it into a Het vest van gay man. Javid vowed never to dance again, devoting his life to the mockery of those who attempted to inspire uninspired dancing.Under order from the Rechtbank Der Neverlands and in consultation with Dokter’s orders, Javid has been committed into the care of Whiteboydancefloor and must utilise the blog to channel his inexhaustible rage.
Arjen never grew a full head of hair again.
Chris
Christopher is the founding member of Whiteboydancefloor. Everything from the name, to the very inclination to write in blog form, to the very poor choice of setting up with Blogger can be attributed to Chris.
As time has progressed and Christopher’s personal situation changed his availability to post on Whiteboydancefloor has somewhat diminished. If a man were to walk up to Chris on the street and quiz him over his unavailability regarding posting on Whiteboydancefloor, he would happily give you an in depth explanation which generally involves becoming a successful tax analyst at a major firm. All complete lies.
Chris’ lack of posting can be directing attributed to the rise of one Julia Gillard. Her political advancement and Chris’ lack of posting are in direct correlation. After successfully completing his university degree, Chris did indeed work for a successful firm at one point in his life however a series of compromising photos featuring Chris resulted in his dismissal.
Failed as a professional and mediocre as a blogger... Chris did what any self respecting redhead would do and he turned his attention to his true calling in life, Chris became a cross-dressing Julia Gillard look-a-like and made himself available as a stripper and escort for both party and private hire.
As Gillard became busy with her role as Deputy P.M so too did Chris’ burgeoning little business and it wasn’t long before his afterhours venture had him booked months in advance. Needless to say that her recent appointment as P.M will only signal less free time for Chris to blog in. This isn't to say Chris has totally abandoned his blogging roots, infact the snarling, pouting and general turning up of the nose techniques which Chris learned from blogging have served him very well in developing his firebrand persona which the clients love.
Until the day comes where blogging pays $135 per hour (extra for weekends / cuddling) unfortunately the Whiteboydancefloor readers will just have to wait and see when Chris might post again.
Dean
Dean’s rise to fame all started with his unsuccessful stint as The Bachelorette. Indeed the competition was thrown into controversy when Bachelor and subsequent bandmate, Mick discovered during a steamy Jacuzzi scene that Dean’s muffin was in actual fact a banana tuck muffin. The show was taken off free-to-air however the footage is now engraved in internet folklore.
With his celebrity reputation in tatters, surprisingly Dean’s underground popularity and fanclub grew and grew with sex-charged guest appearances on George Michael, Lance Bass and Gretel Colleen. All except Colleen subsequently filed charges for the unwanted attention.
With the threat of jail due to several celebrity stalking charges pending, Dean decided to take a break away from the spotlight and decided to concentrate on his true passions as 5ive Fanclub Assistant Junior Secretary OFD (Online Forum Division) and tender to his online Clog retail website. The time away enabled Dean to pay off his outstanding fines and successfully complete his parole period. It would be through his passion for Clogs that he would meet #1 customer and part-time soul mate Javid who shared his passion for the flare of Clog-Football.
With a reputation for talking dirty and exceptional grammar, Dean was an obvious choice to join Whiteboydancefloor. Javid introduced Dean to Pix through a 5ive Appreciation Forum and the rest, they say is history.
Pix
Pix (born Pedro de Santos del Carlos Elfonzo von Popintinkle) was born in Lima, Peru in 1965. For the first 18 years, nothing too remarkable occurred in the life of this young man. He was a misfiring striker for his junior football club and girlfriend, he narrowly escaped national service in the Peruvian military after “feigning” homosexuality and he exhibited savant-like knowledge of the all the male leads in every Broadway musical produced since 1940, much to the concern of his strictly Catholic father.
Pix soon became a man, or at least his warped version of what he deemed being a man, and in doing so found his true calling, or so he thought: owning and operating an ice-cream van. His business involved prowling the streets of Lima during the summer in search of hot young Peruvian boys who wanted a lick of his Peppermint Eskimo Pie. As it turned out, the young boys wanted a lick of a different type of ice-cream (the actual kind). After offering a particular boy in blue for a lick of his ice-cream, Pix was thrown into a prison high in the Andes for 3 long years.
After his emancipation, Pix’s life spiraled further out of control. It was in this dark period, sometime in the 1980’s, that he met Prince, who invited him to be his touring bass player and warm the bench for Doves Cry F.C. It was at this time he grew his hair, grew a moustache, and experimented with alternative “lifestyles”. Twenty years of his life were lost in this purple rain of excess, bass playing and ice-cream licking, and he woke up in 2005 back on the streets of Lima with his pockets full of nothing but a Barney and Friends DVD and receipts for the purchase
Hopeless, with no where else to go, Pix spent his last 2 pesos on Chris’ Julia Gillard striptease who was on his infamous 2005 “Lima Bits Alone” whirlwind tour of Peru, Ecuador and Columbia. It was there that Chris, he too at his lowest ebb, decided to take pity on Pix who reeked of Play-doh and Apple Juice, and asked him to join his show, as the guy playing Kristina Keneally had far too much dignity for the role.
To clean up their respective lives, Pix and Chris had showers, cut their hair and started blogging.
