So Long And Thanks For All The Fish

After much thought, Whiteboydancefloor is no more. Follow us on our new blog: 

Destroy, White Boy - www.destroywhiteboy.com 

So long and thanks for all the fish.

Late? What Ever Do You Mean?

I have come to the realisation lately that anyone who I've had regular dealings with tends to end up referring to me as 'slow' and 'late for everything!'
 It's very bemusing and it's the same script every time I talk to someone.
"Alright I'll pick you up at 5", I say. "Cool. I'll see you after 6 then", my 'friend' replies smugly, like the prick he/she is. I don't really think I'm late that much to warrant a reoccurring scripted dialogue.

I just don't get it and quite frankly, it hurts my feelings.

But anyway, as you may know Javid and I went to Splendour in the Grass in Woodford QLD at the end of July. And so coming into October it only seems appropriate to release a short trailer of our Whiteboydancefloor Splendour Bender adventure. And just in time too.
Yes, just a trailer. The video is coming shortly. Smart making at uni takes time too you know.

The brand new editing software actually works and I am busy whipping up videos. I blame the length of time it took on Sony Vegas and it's inability to render footage, and nothing to do with my inability to do things so called 'quickly'.

Enjoy the WBDF Splendour preview...

An Open Letter to JB Hi-Fi

Originally posted by Javid - @jvanderp - on 'Thinking Out Loud', Monday September 19

Okay. Part of the reason I started to write was because I'm generally an angry person, but not angry in the way that makes you fear for your life. Angry in the way that many other people find amusing unless you're the one receiving my ire. Its been a while since I've felt the need to directly vent my spleen at anyone but given the last few days I think its time, and today's victim - JB Hi-Fi.

always cheapest, but at what cost?

Now, let me first quantify a few things. In my many years in the hospitality industry I've realised the value of good customer service. Not just for pilfering tips off soft targets but being polite, because 9 times out of 10 sincere politeness and manners is a significant part of what makes someone have a good dining experience. You are the face. If the chef fucks the steak you're still the one that the customer is looking at, and venting at. This may even be a case of that, but thats another entry for another time. I also need to quantify that I live in Western Sydney. Don't use that as a basis for judging me but moreso the type of people I'm dealing with. I also need to quantify with the fact that I have WORKED at JB Hi-Fi. I know what the job takes and its not fucking rocket science. If anything retail is the retarded cousin of hospitality. Anyway, time to begin.

The new Primus album 'Green Naugahyde' was, according to the JB Hi-Fi website, supposed to come out last Friday. Filled with excitement and vigor the first thing I did on Friday was head down to Mt. Druitt (I know, I know) to get my hands on a copy. There are normally a minimum of 2 people per section (CD's/DVD's, etc) and one was out on the floor helping a customer. I couldn't find the Primus album myself so I waited for the girl to finish talking to whoever she was talking to and thought she'd be able to help. Immediately after serving the customer, and KNOWING I was waiting to talk to her, she turned on her heels, said nothing to me, and sped out the back to the 'staff only' area. Annoying. At the time I thought 'she's probably gone out the back to get something and will be with me in a moment'. I walked past the door and could count at least 3 people sitting back there. With no clear visible evidence to suggest that any of them were doing anything. One was sitting on a table ffs.

5 minutes passed...

10 minutes passed...

Not a SINGLE PERSON came out onto the floor. Not a single person. YOU'RE A GLORIFIED FUCKING LIBRARIAN YOU PIECE OF SHIT. Anyway, I went up to the front counter, where there were 2 more girls both dealing with customers. Like I say, I've worked at JB and I've got a rough idea of what needs to be done, and most things were not being done. After 5 minutes of waiting in line and suppressing the urge to start breaking shit like a 4 year old I walked out, irate, using my eyes to DARE the fucking security guard to think I'd stolen anything, and went to my car to stew in my own anger.

ironically looking for "I still haven't found what I'm looking for"

Not knowing whether the CD was actually in stock after all that I decided to CALL the Penrith store (about 15-20 minutes away but hey, I wasn't driving there for nothing). I was immediately directed to and helped by Robert (I'm pretty sure I actually used to work with him) and he told me that, alas, MGM had not delivered the albums. He was also nice enough to inform me that Mt Druitt and Penrith were on the same delivery line so one wouldn't get it without the other. He even defended MGM! Saying that they were doing the best they could. He also put my mind at ease by saying he hoped they would have it by Monday at the latest. After the fiasco that was Mt Druitt it was nice to know there was still someone out there who could uphold the morals of customer service.

The weekend came and went, I worked and slept and other stuff, but didn't particularly worry about the CD. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't have arrived over the course of the weekend anyway. That brings me to this morning. I woke up after a considerable and well-deserved sleep in and decided that, instead of wasting my time entering junkie town for perhaps nothing, I should call them. So I did. I got the cheerful response from the front counter girl straight away and asked to be directed to CDs. I was put on hold... for over 2 minutes. This seemed strange to me given Fridays experience. You seriously expect me to believe they were all busy for that long? There? On a MONDAY? Most of the junkie population in Mt Druitt (which is most of them) wouldn't have even been up and functioning yet, still scattered from the night before. Anyway I was eventually taken off hold and this is the conversation that ensued. FF = fuck face, ME = well, me.

FF: Software, this is fuckface (or whatever his name was)
Me: Sorry, did you say software?
FF: Yep
Me: Oh OK, I actually asked for CD's...
FF: Yeah we take care of both (its hard to convey how condescending the guy was)
Me: Fair enough, anyway I was just wondering if you guys had received the new Primus album yet as it was...
FF: Nuh. MGM still haven't sent it
Me: Oh...(leave a pause for him to say something about maybe WHEN they'll get it, if he knows what the go is, etc.)
FF: ...
Me: Fair enough then...
FF: ....................
Me: *click*

OK. Let me say a few things about this because like I said, it's hard to convey how it all went down. This guy sounded like, wherever he was, he did not want to be there. He sounded like my phonecall had created a massive inconvenience when it came to him sitting on his fucking ass doing nothing. Secondly I asked for CDs, so they would have paged CDs. The uniting of CDs and software is obviously a recent development but how was I to know? If he knew I had a CD inquiry why did he have to be a smart-ass and try to make me feel stupid for not knowing? If he DIDN'T know it still doesn't justify him being a sarcastic prick. The audible annoyance in his voice when I asked about the CD was also incredibly agitating - once again, how was I supposed to know? And then the complete lack of any helpful suggestion or any feeling other than 'leave me alone' at the end of the conversation made me want to reach down the phone and beat the shit out of him with his own ass.

Another bad experience. And I can promise you that, at least until my anger subsides and I get lazy, I will never be setting foot in Mt Druitt JB Hi-Fi again. BUT WAIT, THERES MORE!

After that horrendous experience, and still knowing that they were on the same distribution line, I tried Penrith again. Greeted immediately on the phone, asked for CD's. Instead of waiting for 2 minutes I had a different, almost comical experience where first someone from Car Audio answered within 30 seconds, apologised, then someone from DVD's answered within another 30 seconds and apologised for picking up again before someone from CD's finally answered. I asked my question and was caught entirely off guard when the girl told me that YES! The album had in fact arrived this morning "better late than never". I thanked her for the good news and will be going down tomorrow to pick it up. But then, still bitter about my previous experience, I started to think.

I don't know for certain but I would have to assume that MGM deliver from the city (if you know, please correct me). From the City to Penrith is a long drive, but on the way is Mt Druitt. On the way to or from Penrith, the next nearest store for delivery would undoubtedly be Mt Druitt! Its an inescapable fact. So while I may well be wrong, my anger is compounded by the fact that there is at least a 75% chance that Mt Druitt HAD in fact received their MGM order and this guy was just too lethargic to check or too high to remember. I wish I could remember the guys name so I could post this profanity-laden rant on a JB message board or something.

What do I want after all this? Some good customer service, some honesty, some friendliness. One of the big things that shits me about JB, even when I was working there, is that half the staff take the dog tag they wear as a fucking status symbol. It does not mean you know shit, it doesn't mean you're cooler than everyone, it means you work at JB, in retail, in a job that is (much like I said before) that of a GLORIFIED FUCKING LIBRARIAN. Except you don't even need to know how to read. Which works out well for this next generation of fucking idiots.

I should have expected what I got from Mt Druitt. I know nice people that live there but the place really is a scumbucket. I live 10 minutes down the road so I may well be scum too, but MT DRUITT is the scum THIS piece of scum wipes off the bottom of his shoe. So to any of the JB Hi-Fi staff with superiority complexes - GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF. And to the people of JB Hi-Fi, what the fuck is your hiring policy? Maybe you need to retrain your staff on the BASICS like CUSTOMER FUCKING SERVICE. I may be an angry douche alot of the time but when you put me to work in hospitality I treat every fucking customer with a level of friendliess, courtesy, and god forbid - PROFESSIONALISM. You may be able to offer great prices but your staff don't offer any fucking soul. Not the ones in Mt Druitt anyway. Sort it out or burn it to the ground. We all hate our jobs on different days, but its their job nonetheless. If you don't like it go and get on welfare, smoke crack and loiter around carparks and methodone clinics like the rest of your junkie neighbours. Bottom line is that if you live in Western Sydney, and if Mt Druitt is one of your two closest JB Hi-Fi's, go to the other one. You'll save yourself anger, frustration, and the possible contraction of an STI.

JB Mt Druitt employee of the year 2011

So what was the point of this? To get it out and feel better of course, and I surprisingly do. And of course to make you laugh, or get angry, or relate in some way or another thanks to ridiculous customer service at some point. You may also just think I'm petty, in which case you're missing the point. Until next time.

Better With Age?

If you're around my age (mid 20's) then, like myself, you'll notice a few of those bands that were active back in our time (read: the 90's) but now lay dormant are preparing themselves to take on the world again. So heres a bit of a look at some of the new music. Is it better? Perhaps, ultimately the best judge is you.

The Red Hot Chili Peppers are back for the first time since the release of the (if you're asking me) extremely middle of the road and disappointing Stadium Arcadium. The problem with that album was that, by putting 30-odd songs across two CDs instead of picking the best 10-14 you were met with an incredibly underwhelming feeling at the end of it all. Its like they were going for the SOAD style Hypnotize/Mesmerize thing and it just didn't work. I'm sure most of you will agree with me there. Anyway, the Chilis are back with a brand new album called 'I'm With You' - although the you is definitely not John Frusciante, who left the band back in 2009.

Hopefully I'm not the only one that listens to the first single and thinks 'well this is just a continuation of mediocrity'. I mean, its not a bad song, the opening riff is kind of badass but the new guitarist couldn't be any more pedestrian. Buying the album (thats right, I bought it) I can focus on a few good points - 1. Fleas bass is well mixed and pretty much the driving force behind the band... and thats about it. The sad thing is that the above single, despite its lack of impression-ness, is still one of the best songs on the CD. There are some good ones on there but definitely not enough to call the album recommendable. And as far as I'm concerned these guys have been around long enough to know whats expected. This is the epitome of the gradual slide that has happened to RHCP since 'By The Way' (arguably their last enjoyable album). It won't be featuring in the much-anticipated Javids Top 10 at the end of the year thats for sure.

Another band you'll remember, particularly for 90's based success is none other than Oasis. They made themselves known and either loved/loathed with catchy brit-rock reminiscent of the Beatles and of course for fucking Wonderwall and media coverage of sibling-spats. I love Oasis, I was lucky enough to see them three times before they parted ways, with the highlight being front and centre on the fence at Livid in 2002, the day before my HSC was to begin and when I really should have been studying. Anyway they split last year after Noel had finally had enough, and disappointingly too as it seemed they were still writing good stuff. Since then Liam Gallagher has gone off with a few of the other bandmembers and formed Beady Eye which ends up sounding remarkably as you'd expect - like Oasis, without the absolute genius of Noel Gallagher. Its not appalling, but it plods along and doesn't particularly break any boundaries.

Noel on the other hand has been quiet for a while now, doing acoustic shows here and there and whatnot. But the man is about to return with his own project Noel Gallaghers High-Flying Birds, the album is due out in about a months time and I'll be getting my hands on it as soon as I possibly can. The first single, The Death of You and Me came out a couple of weeks back and I've had it on pretty high rotation. Vocally it seems Noel is continuing the feel he was going for on the last Oasis album with a bit of high-range stuff but this truly demonstrates to me that Noel IS, and always was, the talented portion of Oasis. I'll still hold my breath for a reunion one day but if this is what I have to listen to while waiting its certainly enjoyable.

Primus always illicit a mixed response out of people. For those who've ever watched South Park or Robot Chicken, who've ever played Tony Hawk etc they no doubt provide awesome, perhaps stoned memories. For anyone thats ever learnt to play the bass guitar I can relate in the many hours of frustration that stem from trying to accomplish those basslines up to a Claypool-approved standard. They are truly brilliant but not everyones cup of tea. The last album Primus released was in 1999 (apart from one EP) - so they havent even released a studio album THIS CENTURY! When they got back together and played Soundwave and various other global festivals at the start of this year I was just happy to get a chance to see them. Then when they started playing new songs and speaking of a new album I almost creamed my pants... oh who am I kidding I DID cream my pants. Its the ORIGINAL line up (pre Frizzle Fry so you can't get more original than that) and from what has been heard the songs are typical Primus. If the objective is to keep the old fans happy and win some new ones I don't see them disappointing. The whole album has been available for streaming from the South Park Facebook page for the last week and a bit so I recommend going over and checking it out, even if the single is the ONLY song on the album that sounds like territory they've slightly covered before...

The album itself - Green Naugahyde - apparently came out today in Australia. I went to get myself a copy to find out my nearest JB HiFi didn't have it. So I called up my second-nearest one before driving there and you know what? They didn't have it either. I was told that its the fault of MGM distribution, so all I have to say to you guys is - GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.

So there you go, a brief look at what a few people who defined my adolescence are doing these days. As critical as I may be of RHCP I can guarantee you that live these guys are another cup of tea and absolutely fantastic. That being said if they play a whole bunch of new album stuff I'd still be disappointed. Best bet though is to go out there and make your own mind up.

You might be thinking 'fuck the old shit, lets stay with the future of music, give the next generation a chance'' - as far as I'm concerned we DID give the next generation a chance and look what it gave us.. Bieber, Gaga, the Veronicas, fucking Short Stack, Reality TV contestants and Rebecca Black. The next generation doesnt DESERVE a chance. The next generation deserve a genocide, and if you disagree perhaps you and people like you do too. If you're 17 and listening to Bieber, shoot yourself. Or at least get the fuck away from this blog and NEVER come back.

I'm sorry, I'm not entirely sure where that came from.. needed to be said I guess. Welcome back to the dancefloor.

Move over Van She these Melbourne lads who go by the name Strange Talk have got your number.

Check out the music clip below for the track Climbing Walls it's catchy as hell and why do I all of a sudden have an urge to buy some new threads from General Pants strange!



You can check them out at the upcoming Parklife festival in your local town.

Tour Dates. 
Tickets on sale Tuesday 13 September 2011. Brisbane show on sale Friday 16 September 2011.

Thursday 10 November - Karova Lounge - Ballarat. Tickets on the door only.
Saturday 12 November - Corner Hotel - Melbourne. Tickets from www.cornerhotel.com / 03 9427 9198.
Friday November 18 - Elsewhere Bar - Gold Coast. Tickets from www.moshtix.com.au / 1300 Get Tix (438 849).
Saturday November 19 - Bowler Bar - Brisbane. Tickets from www.moshtix.com.au / 1300 Get Tix (438 849).
Friday November 25 - Oxford Art Factory - Sydney. Tickets from www.moshtix.com.au / 1300 Get Tix (438 849).

Dance Me to the End of Love

Just a quick one from me today. Here are a few of versions of one of my favourite songs - "Dance Me to the End of Love" by Leonard Cohen. I had the great privilege of seeing him perform this song live late last year when the great man was in town and it was an incredibly moving experience. These versions I think capture the essence of this beautiful song wonderfully. Enjoy.



The Civil Wars - a really great boy/girl duo doing the rounds at the moment do a beautifully stripped back version of this song.




Madeleine Peyroux gives this song a deliciously jazzy twist.




The man himself - live at the O2 arena in London on his last world tour (which I was lucky enough to see in Sydney).

Australia Does Got Talent! And It's All In The Hair

So as I sit here contemplating in thinly veiled fury whether or not to slam my laptop against the wall because the alleged video editing program, Sony Vegas, has again frozen my computer, further derailing my Splendour Video posts, I thought I'd check out some Murdoch Press for some well researched, balanced news to ease my throbbing cartoid artery.

And what do I find?
Well I'll tell you right now.

Jack Vigden has finally released his debut album! And who is Jack Vigden, you ask? Shame on you! He's only the biggest thing since Wes Carr. You know. That guy. The one with the hair. Looks like Jesus, but sings unholy, god awful songs, usually on the Manly Ferry route.
If you still haven't worked it out yet, Jack Vigden is the 14 year old winner of Channel 7's Australia's Got Talent, a title that's about as ironic as Donald Trump's hairpiece.

As News.com.au (another piece of irony) was offering an "exclusive first listen" to his album, I simply couldn't pass up the opportunity to read all about his rise from zero to shopping centre hero.

The twist is that Australia's most talentless morons host the show

It's been only two weeks since he tore down the competition and reined supreme on Australia's Got Talent, but he is now ready to unleash this amazing new album on the world. Wow, he really is talented. But what new music will we be hearing on Vigden's album? Well, if by new I mean the same mindless, factory produced, pop garbage, that sounds exactly the same as the last seven seasons of Australian Idol (and I think I do), then it's going to be some very new material indeed.

But naturally when you record an album in only 3 days, you can't expect to have all your originals on there. Vigden's gone for only two originals, and I use the term 'original' loosely. Maybe his original's are just that good that Sony wants to save all the best ones for his follow up album.

So instead we'll be listening to, as Vigden describes so eloquently, a "journey of songs I've grown up loving and singing." So a bit of Nirvana in there? Perhaps some Faith No More or Smashing Pumpkins? Hell, maybe even some Jamiroqui or Foo Fighters just for shits n giggles? Will I stop asking myself questions and then answering them? Shit no!
How about some of the greatest artists of all time! Great artists like Celline Dion and Mariah Carey.
Oh yeah, this album is gonna be huge.

Madame Tussauds has already completed it's wax replica for it's Sydney opening.
 Wait.. Oh my God it's REAL!

But just before Vigden commences his world arena tour he'll be playing a few smaller shows. For the fans of course. Oh, and Sony naturally as they now own him.
First stop: Warringah Mall. And who knows, if that goes well he might even make it to the new Westfield Shopping Centre in the city.
But of course he'll do well, I mean, as we all know, every winner of commercial television's 'talent' contests are born to perform. I'm sure Casey Donovan is doing... Something.

And is Vigden worried about being a victim of the '15 minutes of fame' sydrome? Hell no he's not! “It’s probably going to die down a bit, but that's fine. I just want to keep making great music and hopefully people will keep enjoying it."
You trooper. I'll enjoy it Jacky. Even if the great music you keep making is actually someone elses 'great' music, I'll be there, front of stage, Warringah Mall.

Don't let the haters get you down. They just don't understand. You're original. I mean, Justin Bieber's hair is brown for a start.