I'm a Man not a Disco ball

Ok so since I didn't have anything new, fresh or funny to post for you good people I thought we might aswell dabble in the joys of a good retrospective. Hey if its good enough for Who the Bloody Hell are They? to do retrospectives, then im more than comfortable with doing the same! Sometimes you people need to be reminded.

Forgive me for ranting because I know it is on the way.

My Issue: The lack of "f-yehs" thrown the way of the Electric Six. The fact that the world does not embrace this band is a clear indication that the masses are being swallowed up by inept and out of touch musical tastes. Now I know some of these blinded masses read and enjoy the blog (i said some, im not as egotistic as Kayne.... yet) and I can just imagine the amount of burgeousie phrases being cannonned at my words of love for this band.

Let's get one thing out of the way... yes they did sing the song "Gay Bar". Your lack of education to the splendours of their other songs is a testament to your own lack of intelligence or maybe your extreme levels of ignorance. Either way, while I hate quoting Jet, you really need to "Get Born".

Another thing I want to glaze over is that they have a new album out "Switzerland". Where my affection will forever lie with this band is in the helping of sexy rock n roll "Senor Smoke". Given bad reviews by Kerrang and Blunt Magazine, that right there should have been evidence enough that possibly infact certainly this music would prove to be good as both those magazines present some of the worst musical opinions going round. Rolling Stone, whilst you are a peice of shit I'd never consume as food in the first place to allow you to become shit, I'm going to leave you alone here.

It concerns me that so many people dismissed "Senor Smoke" as a b-grade follow up to "Fire" which spawned the hits "danger high voltage", "dance commander" & ofcourse "gay bar". But if any of you had bothered to actually buy the album (or download it from packetnews) then you'd have realised this album is a dancefloor winner! One of very few bands who are taking that mainstream rock n roll paradigm and injecting it with sexy synth and dance successfully.

And finally, Electric Six are a partially comical type outfit. Too many of you are taking this halarious take on sexuality, rock n roll, dance and funk far too seriously. Electric Six want us all to get up on the dancefloor and show your very worst dancemoves. They typify what whiteboydancefloor is all about!

Electric Six are truely for "the ackward dancer in all of us" and perhaps you all need to stop firmly pressing your lips against The Raptures album for just long enough to realise "yes, you are allowed to listen to other music".... "no, you dont have to read good comments from your favourite blogger to like them". I appreciate I either shooting myself in the foot or biting the hand that feeds me or doing some cliche phrase my Grandpa would know, but the fact is, you need to do 3 things;

* Buy "Senor Smoke" for an inflated price from JB Hifi and do it with a smile because they slap on a stupid fucking "special import" sticker or alternatively download the free mp3's i am offering you.
* Burn them to cd or leave them on the computer should that device be in your bedroom.
*Wait until no one is home and fuckin make the room a dancespace! Push those preloved socks and undies under the bed and be a complete ackward whiteboy wanker!

Special Tips

• * Thrusting of the pelvis is a must. It is preferred to thrust when the guitar crunches in to emphasis the power in your pelvic thrusts. Doing these sporadically will give them more artistic affect. These thrusts will prove most effective when added to "devil nights".
• * Keep the knees nice and bended, almost like jelly. Pretend you've had a few pina coladas and then whilst the knees are bent for the most part, bring yourself to upright to throw out a bit of a rock n roll kick at designated parts of the song.
• * Facially, it is important to keep the mouth open much like many rockstars. Tilt your head to one side and bust out to your imaginary audience as if you just dont care. But we know and you know, you do. The "just dont care" persona is a must should you be funking out to "Future is in the Future".
• * If you do not have hair to thrash about, not to worry, click here.
• * Finally, after you've given the songs some serious spinage on your player and begin to get a feel for the song... start to bust out some air instruments. Not a air guitar person? Not to worry, the synth keyboard stylings of "future boys" really allows for some seriously sexy air keyboard and "future is in the future" allows for some random air brass, however be careful, these outburts of brass are difficult to first pick up and getting it wrong really ruins the "just dont care, im so 90's but not really" attitude.

As they say on Art Attack, try it yourself!

Mp3: Electric Six - Future is in the Future (yousendit.com)
Mp3: Electric Six - Devil Nights (yousendit.com)
Mp3: Electric Six - Future Boys (yousendit.com)