If I Were A Girl...

Yeah, if I were a girl, I’d live my life very differently. I’d spend my days in my cutest bikini at beach parties and hooking up with West Coast’s endless supply of part-time male models.  I'd like joining Facebook groups like “Don’t tell me you miss me then not talk to me for a month” and “a real man doesn’t love a million girls. He loves one girl a million ways”. I'd know what true love is but not be ready for it just yet. I’d have Mimosas for breakfast, Pacific Splashes with meals and Island Coolers when the sun goes down.

Summer is after all for summer jams and I’d want the perfect soundtrack for the road trips with my b.f.f's. The natural choice is Katy Perry’s Teenage Dream, the perfect soundtrack to my West Coast fantasia. It’s got everything a girl like me needs and the page 3 worthy cover art is enough to keep the male company mesmerised long enough to get through all my favs.I'd proudly sport the bumper sticker "I kissed a girl because Katy told me to".

If I were a girl every summer romance would begin like the title track “Teenage Dreams”. Being a California girl is all about fleeting romance without logic or limits, drinking endlessly and sleeping when I’m dead.

When the weekends over and I piece together my hazy memory via pics on my Iphone and my ladies facebook pages, I listen to “Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F)” and remind myself why I’ll upload the messiest photos and expect comments like “Epic fail. Best night evs mwa ILY” and “aww pretty xx”.

I think if I were a girl songs like “Circle The Drain” and “The One That Got Away” that speak of Katy’s injured heart would resonate with me far stronger. From where I’m standing, Katy’s not short of a man at the ready, prepared to allow her to use him as a door mat, foot rest or shower curtain.

As the summer romance comes to an end, the power pop guitar crunch can’t come back fast enough. I’m two cocktails in and I’m out with my girls to forget him not regret him. Before Teenage Dreams can stray as far as a young man’s imagination when thinking about Katy Perry the album returns to the more accommodating summertime teenage dream territory with “Hummingbird Heartbeat”.
Ok so the reality is if I were a girl, I’d be a pretty darn fugly one and would probably just blog and avoid sand like I do now. But I’d definitely still like Katy Perry. Truth be told, I like it even with my male parts still there.

For the record Katy, very few males are brave enough show you their "peacock" without suffering from severe stage fright...

Jazz it up anyway you like Katy, we all know what you mean. It's a 2010 ode to intimidating a male into getting their wang out.