Global Trends

From Sydney to Europe and back this September/October has been pretty good for me so far. I could tell you about the great time I had at Oktoberfest, the amount of food I ate, how baked I got in Amsterdam but I wont. Maybe I should start up another blog for that...

Anyway this being a music blog and me seeming to be the only one who is posting semi-regularly at the moment Ive been sitting here thinking 'how can I turn this trip I've just gone on into something readable and perhaps even interesting to you people?' - those of you out there on the verge of killing someone and its not even Wednesday yet. I still haven't come up with an answer but since its my day off and I'm bored I'm just going to see what happens. Here are a few things I can tell you straight up:

- Shitty top 40 music is EVERYWHERE (well, everywhere westernised anyway, I'm sure you dont find it playing in China or North Korea): The music that they play in many clubs and taxis over here is the exact same as they play in many clubs and taxis over there. Occasionally in the taxi you get a phat Turkish Baglama but more often than not the taxi driver gets self conscious at his ethnic tastes and the fact that you've gone quiet and switches it back to the German equivalent of mainstream radio - EINSLIVE! And its the same in Prague. Amsterdam was the only place I found the taxi drivers playing local, traditional dutch pop music. When I wasnt thinking "jesus christ we're going to kill someone on a bicycle" and holding on to those straps near the window.

- Australians have a BIG drinking problem: Don't get me wrong, a night out on the piss is a tradition but its quite obvious here that we haven't got properly constructed laws and drinking culture in place. And if you wanna glass me for saying that... you've just proved my point. Getting drunk with a plethora of Germans ages 16-60, walking around the biggest drinking festival in the world and then going to Prague, where the beer is CHEAPER than water (that is not a joke or some kind of bullshit either - 500ml beer = 35k, bottle of water = 45k) these people know what they're doing. Walking around Sydney the second night I got back was scarier than walking around any of those cities - and I live here. When a man can walk the streets of cities that sell guns and feel safer than he does in his own backyard thats saying something. The beer is nicer, the people are nicer. I'm not a self hating Australian but it really opened my eyes to just how full of twats this country is. And perhaps that affects the experience of going out (and hence why I don't go out often anymore). Festivals, gigs (playing and watching) even just a night out with your mates would always be more enjoyable without the dickheads. I've now been to both a music festival and a drinking festival overseas and they are both so much better.

- F*ck off the Pokies: You dont walk into a BAR, let alone a venue in most European cities and have to endure the sound of pokies ringing in your ears. Nor do you have to endure the sight of some wretched bogan in a Flanno spending their weekly government allowance in these machines. If you want to go and blow your kids pocket money or Uni fund then you go to a gaming lounge/casino, full of machines, alcohol and people who don't seem to want you to use the machines and dont care if you drink the alcohol. I'm not sure but I'm gong to assume the apathy and general unhelpfulness of the staff is all part of deterring gambling factor. Well played! Without the constant droll of Poker Machines, and venues still playing live music the scene is alive and well, moreso than in Sydney where its waving its arm about frantically for a lifeguard that doesn't care.

- Street Performers: Begging and poverty in Europe is evidently much more of a problem than it is here. That being said when I went out in Sydney the other night there were plenty of homeless asking for change. They don't do anything for it. Am I going to give you my money because you asked me for it? Technically that's mugging, just without a weapon (except maybe your smell). In Europe you still get those guys, but you also get the better breed, talented musicians from violinists to piano accordionists, to a guy that was juggling a soccer ball while climbing a lamp post (OK so he's not a musician but lets not get critical - he was amazing). People worthy of your money. Buskers are a dying breed in this country, being replaced by the lazy homeless who aren't putting in any effort for my money. Fuck off and learn how its done - if the cops arrest you then hey, there's a roof over your head for the night.

- Political Correctness: In Asia they have Engrish, where things have been translated from English into whichever Asian language, and then from THAT translation, back into English - often with hilarious results. In Germany they evidently have the same thing, as a trip to the German equivalent of JB Hi-Fi taught me. Fantastic range, fantastic selection, but the thing that caught me by surprise was the name of the Hip-Hop section. No it wasn't called HipHop, Urban, RnB, Rap or ANYTHING like that. In Germany they evidently all fall under the same genre of BLACK MUSIC. If you don't believe me there's a photo underneath. What's even more unbelievable than that is the fact that I was able to find Hilltop Hoods in there! Those guys aren't black! And I'm pretty sure you won't find many black people listening to them either!They're as white as a Sao for fucks sake! White people really are the majority over there (and Arabs) so the lack of offense caused by Asian and Black people jokes made it feel like Australia.. in the early 90's. These days they'd kill us. Wait I don't mean 'they'.... never mind.

- Top 40 again - Yes, I'm coming back to it but this will be the last of it. I spent an equal amount of time in Germany and Holland (went and visited the Dutch side of the family and such) and hence spent a fair bit of time in Amsterdam. When you're in Amsterdam you can go to the Heineken Brewery, you can go to the Anne Frank House, but after that apart from a few museums there's not much to do. Unless, of course, you're a fan of getting high (as I am, don't forget to bring a towel) and once again the music becomes a problem. When you're baked most music is entertaining to some degree, especially in the background. That being said, there's only so much Pop shit I can take. Eventually you get sick of it and its starts to kill your buzz. Thankfully there were Coffee shops worth staying in, playing Bob Marley, QOTSA, Matisyahu and other bands that do nothing but ENHANCE your experience. Why someone would play Pop in a Coffee Shop is beyond me. Its like when train stations over here play classical music to keep the junkies away. But these are places of business! Why would they want to scare off their clientele?

Conclusion: Forgoing the German Scheiße-porn jokes, Europe really does shit all over Australia. For the most part - the people are nicer (just don't go to France) and more attractive (just don't go to the UK), the beer is SO much better (4-5L and no hangover? German purity laws are amazing. Nothing smaller than a Pint [500ml]) Aussie beer tastes like swill and holding a schooner makes me think I'm at a kids birthday party. Culturally, historically, gastronomically, Europe wins hands down. But is the music better?

Theres certainly more of it but just like anywhere there is good and bad. If you listen to absolutely nothing but metal then I'd say its heaven. If you listen to nothing but metal I'm not sure why you're reading this blog, but thanks anyway. All I can really say about it is this - for every fantastic Australian act that you get to see in our dwindling amount of venues there's a similar situation over there, as there is worldwide I suppose. Thats why the internet has become the handy tool it is and really the most effective way of trying to reach an international audience. What needs to be done, in my opinion, is the development of a truly international music community, so that artists can go and play in some of these fantastic places, and awesome o/s artists that no ones ever heard of because they're not on a major can come here. Being in a band and seeing these other places has made me want to play there so bad, but without the networking provided by this as-yet non existent service, it's going to be hard to turn it into a reality. If anyone wants to come up with a business plan email me and we'll hit up the Australia council. I apologise if this was boring - thats what happens when I start off not knowing what I'm going to write about. Look forward to more of them.