So Long And Thanks For All The Fish

After much thought, Whiteboydancefloor is no more. Follow us on our new blog: 

Destroy, White Boy - www.destroywhiteboy.com 

So long and thanks for all the fish.

Late? What Ever Do You Mean?

I have come to the realisation lately that anyone who I've had regular dealings with tends to end up referring to me as 'slow' and 'late for everything!'
 It's very bemusing and it's the same script every time I talk to someone.
"Alright I'll pick you up at 5", I say. "Cool. I'll see you after 6 then", my 'friend' replies smugly, like the prick he/she is. I don't really think I'm late that much to warrant a reoccurring scripted dialogue.

I just don't get it and quite frankly, it hurts my feelings.

But anyway, as you may know Javid and I went to Splendour in the Grass in Woodford QLD at the end of July. And so coming into October it only seems appropriate to release a short trailer of our Whiteboydancefloor Splendour Bender adventure. And just in time too.
Yes, just a trailer. The video is coming shortly. Smart making at uni takes time too you know.

The brand new editing software actually works and I am busy whipping up videos. I blame the length of time it took on Sony Vegas and it's inability to render footage, and nothing to do with my inability to do things so called 'quickly'.

Enjoy the WBDF Splendour preview...

An Open Letter to JB Hi-Fi

Originally posted by Javid - @jvanderp - on 'Thinking Out Loud', Monday September 19

Okay. Part of the reason I started to write was because I'm generally an angry person, but not angry in the way that makes you fear for your life. Angry in the way that many other people find amusing unless you're the one receiving my ire. Its been a while since I've felt the need to directly vent my spleen at anyone but given the last few days I think its time, and today's victim - JB Hi-Fi.

always cheapest, but at what cost?

Now, let me first quantify a few things. In my many years in the hospitality industry I've realised the value of good customer service. Not just for pilfering tips off soft targets but being polite, because 9 times out of 10 sincere politeness and manners is a significant part of what makes someone have a good dining experience. You are the face. If the chef fucks the steak you're still the one that the customer is looking at, and venting at. This may even be a case of that, but thats another entry for another time. I also need to quantify that I live in Western Sydney. Don't use that as a basis for judging me but moreso the type of people I'm dealing with. I also need to quantify with the fact that I have WORKED at JB Hi-Fi. I know what the job takes and its not fucking rocket science. If anything retail is the retarded cousin of hospitality. Anyway, time to begin.

The new Primus album 'Green Naugahyde' was, according to the JB Hi-Fi website, supposed to come out last Friday. Filled with excitement and vigor the first thing I did on Friday was head down to Mt. Druitt (I know, I know) to get my hands on a copy. There are normally a minimum of 2 people per section (CD's/DVD's, etc) and one was out on the floor helping a customer. I couldn't find the Primus album myself so I waited for the girl to finish talking to whoever she was talking to and thought she'd be able to help. Immediately after serving the customer, and KNOWING I was waiting to talk to her, she turned on her heels, said nothing to me, and sped out the back to the 'staff only' area. Annoying. At the time I thought 'she's probably gone out the back to get something and will be with me in a moment'. I walked past the door and could count at least 3 people sitting back there. With no clear visible evidence to suggest that any of them were doing anything. One was sitting on a table ffs.

5 minutes passed...

10 minutes passed...

Not a SINGLE PERSON came out onto the floor. Not a single person. YOU'RE A GLORIFIED FUCKING LIBRARIAN YOU PIECE OF SHIT. Anyway, I went up to the front counter, where there were 2 more girls both dealing with customers. Like I say, I've worked at JB and I've got a rough idea of what needs to be done, and most things were not being done. After 5 minutes of waiting in line and suppressing the urge to start breaking shit like a 4 year old I walked out, irate, using my eyes to DARE the fucking security guard to think I'd stolen anything, and went to my car to stew in my own anger.

ironically looking for "I still haven't found what I'm looking for"

Not knowing whether the CD was actually in stock after all that I decided to CALL the Penrith store (about 15-20 minutes away but hey, I wasn't driving there for nothing). I was immediately directed to and helped by Robert (I'm pretty sure I actually used to work with him) and he told me that, alas, MGM had not delivered the albums. He was also nice enough to inform me that Mt Druitt and Penrith were on the same delivery line so one wouldn't get it without the other. He even defended MGM! Saying that they were doing the best they could. He also put my mind at ease by saying he hoped they would have it by Monday at the latest. After the fiasco that was Mt Druitt it was nice to know there was still someone out there who could uphold the morals of customer service.

The weekend came and went, I worked and slept and other stuff, but didn't particularly worry about the CD. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't have arrived over the course of the weekend anyway. That brings me to this morning. I woke up after a considerable and well-deserved sleep in and decided that, instead of wasting my time entering junkie town for perhaps nothing, I should call them. So I did. I got the cheerful response from the front counter girl straight away and asked to be directed to CDs. I was put on hold... for over 2 minutes. This seemed strange to me given Fridays experience. You seriously expect me to believe they were all busy for that long? There? On a MONDAY? Most of the junkie population in Mt Druitt (which is most of them) wouldn't have even been up and functioning yet, still scattered from the night before. Anyway I was eventually taken off hold and this is the conversation that ensued. FF = fuck face, ME = well, me.

FF: Software, this is fuckface (or whatever his name was)
Me: Sorry, did you say software?
FF: Yep
Me: Oh OK, I actually asked for CD's...
FF: Yeah we take care of both (its hard to convey how condescending the guy was)
Me: Fair enough, anyway I was just wondering if you guys had received the new Primus album yet as it was...
FF: Nuh. MGM still haven't sent it
Me: Oh...(leave a pause for him to say something about maybe WHEN they'll get it, if he knows what the go is, etc.)
FF: ...
Me: Fair enough then...
FF: ....................
Me: *click*

OK. Let me say a few things about this because like I said, it's hard to convey how it all went down. This guy sounded like, wherever he was, he did not want to be there. He sounded like my phonecall had created a massive inconvenience when it came to him sitting on his fucking ass doing nothing. Secondly I asked for CDs, so they would have paged CDs. The uniting of CDs and software is obviously a recent development but how was I to know? If he knew I had a CD inquiry why did he have to be a smart-ass and try to make me feel stupid for not knowing? If he DIDN'T know it still doesn't justify him being a sarcastic prick. The audible annoyance in his voice when I asked about the CD was also incredibly agitating - once again, how was I supposed to know? And then the complete lack of any helpful suggestion or any feeling other than 'leave me alone' at the end of the conversation made me want to reach down the phone and beat the shit out of him with his own ass.

Another bad experience. And I can promise you that, at least until my anger subsides and I get lazy, I will never be setting foot in Mt Druitt JB Hi-Fi again. BUT WAIT, THERES MORE!

After that horrendous experience, and still knowing that they were on the same distribution line, I tried Penrith again. Greeted immediately on the phone, asked for CD's. Instead of waiting for 2 minutes I had a different, almost comical experience where first someone from Car Audio answered within 30 seconds, apologised, then someone from DVD's answered within another 30 seconds and apologised for picking up again before someone from CD's finally answered. I asked my question and was caught entirely off guard when the girl told me that YES! The album had in fact arrived this morning "better late than never". I thanked her for the good news and will be going down tomorrow to pick it up. But then, still bitter about my previous experience, I started to think.

I don't know for certain but I would have to assume that MGM deliver from the city (if you know, please correct me). From the City to Penrith is a long drive, but on the way is Mt Druitt. On the way to or from Penrith, the next nearest store for delivery would undoubtedly be Mt Druitt! Its an inescapable fact. So while I may well be wrong, my anger is compounded by the fact that there is at least a 75% chance that Mt Druitt HAD in fact received their MGM order and this guy was just too lethargic to check or too high to remember. I wish I could remember the guys name so I could post this profanity-laden rant on a JB message board or something.

What do I want after all this? Some good customer service, some honesty, some friendliness. One of the big things that shits me about JB, even when I was working there, is that half the staff take the dog tag they wear as a fucking status symbol. It does not mean you know shit, it doesn't mean you're cooler than everyone, it means you work at JB, in retail, in a job that is (much like I said before) that of a GLORIFIED FUCKING LIBRARIAN. Except you don't even need to know how to read. Which works out well for this next generation of fucking idiots.

I should have expected what I got from Mt Druitt. I know nice people that live there but the place really is a scumbucket. I live 10 minutes down the road so I may well be scum too, but MT DRUITT is the scum THIS piece of scum wipes off the bottom of his shoe. So to any of the JB Hi-Fi staff with superiority complexes - GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF. And to the people of JB Hi-Fi, what the fuck is your hiring policy? Maybe you need to retrain your staff on the BASICS like CUSTOMER FUCKING SERVICE. I may be an angry douche alot of the time but when you put me to work in hospitality I treat every fucking customer with a level of friendliess, courtesy, and god forbid - PROFESSIONALISM. You may be able to offer great prices but your staff don't offer any fucking soul. Not the ones in Mt Druitt anyway. Sort it out or burn it to the ground. We all hate our jobs on different days, but its their job nonetheless. If you don't like it go and get on welfare, smoke crack and loiter around carparks and methodone clinics like the rest of your junkie neighbours. Bottom line is that if you live in Western Sydney, and if Mt Druitt is one of your two closest JB Hi-Fi's, go to the other one. You'll save yourself anger, frustration, and the possible contraction of an STI.

JB Mt Druitt employee of the year 2011

So what was the point of this? To get it out and feel better of course, and I surprisingly do. And of course to make you laugh, or get angry, or relate in some way or another thanks to ridiculous customer service at some point. You may also just think I'm petty, in which case you're missing the point. Until next time.

Better With Age?

If you're around my age (mid 20's) then, like myself, you'll notice a few of those bands that were active back in our time (read: the 90's) but now lay dormant are preparing themselves to take on the world again. So heres a bit of a look at some of the new music. Is it better? Perhaps, ultimately the best judge is you.

The Red Hot Chili Peppers are back for the first time since the release of the (if you're asking me) extremely middle of the road and disappointing Stadium Arcadium. The problem with that album was that, by putting 30-odd songs across two CDs instead of picking the best 10-14 you were met with an incredibly underwhelming feeling at the end of it all. Its like they were going for the SOAD style Hypnotize/Mesmerize thing and it just didn't work. I'm sure most of you will agree with me there. Anyway, the Chilis are back with a brand new album called 'I'm With You' - although the you is definitely not John Frusciante, who left the band back in 2009.

Hopefully I'm not the only one that listens to the first single and thinks 'well this is just a continuation of mediocrity'. I mean, its not a bad song, the opening riff is kind of badass but the new guitarist couldn't be any more pedestrian. Buying the album (thats right, I bought it) I can focus on a few good points - 1. Fleas bass is well mixed and pretty much the driving force behind the band... and thats about it. The sad thing is that the above single, despite its lack of impression-ness, is still one of the best songs on the CD. There are some good ones on there but definitely not enough to call the album recommendable. And as far as I'm concerned these guys have been around long enough to know whats expected. This is the epitome of the gradual slide that has happened to RHCP since 'By The Way' (arguably their last enjoyable album). It won't be featuring in the much-anticipated Javids Top 10 at the end of the year thats for sure.

Another band you'll remember, particularly for 90's based success is none other than Oasis. They made themselves known and either loved/loathed with catchy brit-rock reminiscent of the Beatles and of course for fucking Wonderwall and media coverage of sibling-spats. I love Oasis, I was lucky enough to see them three times before they parted ways, with the highlight being front and centre on the fence at Livid in 2002, the day before my HSC was to begin and when I really should have been studying. Anyway they split last year after Noel had finally had enough, and disappointingly too as it seemed they were still writing good stuff. Since then Liam Gallagher has gone off with a few of the other bandmembers and formed Beady Eye which ends up sounding remarkably as you'd expect - like Oasis, without the absolute genius of Noel Gallagher. Its not appalling, but it plods along and doesn't particularly break any boundaries.

Noel on the other hand has been quiet for a while now, doing acoustic shows here and there and whatnot. But the man is about to return with his own project Noel Gallaghers High-Flying Birds, the album is due out in about a months time and I'll be getting my hands on it as soon as I possibly can. The first single, The Death of You and Me came out a couple of weeks back and I've had it on pretty high rotation. Vocally it seems Noel is continuing the feel he was going for on the last Oasis album with a bit of high-range stuff but this truly demonstrates to me that Noel IS, and always was, the talented portion of Oasis. I'll still hold my breath for a reunion one day but if this is what I have to listen to while waiting its certainly enjoyable.

Primus always illicit a mixed response out of people. For those who've ever watched South Park or Robot Chicken, who've ever played Tony Hawk etc they no doubt provide awesome, perhaps stoned memories. For anyone thats ever learnt to play the bass guitar I can relate in the many hours of frustration that stem from trying to accomplish those basslines up to a Claypool-approved standard. They are truly brilliant but not everyones cup of tea. The last album Primus released was in 1999 (apart from one EP) - so they havent even released a studio album THIS CENTURY! When they got back together and played Soundwave and various other global festivals at the start of this year I was just happy to get a chance to see them. Then when they started playing new songs and speaking of a new album I almost creamed my pants... oh who am I kidding I DID cream my pants. Its the ORIGINAL line up (pre Frizzle Fry so you can't get more original than that) and from what has been heard the songs are typical Primus. If the objective is to keep the old fans happy and win some new ones I don't see them disappointing. The whole album has been available for streaming from the South Park Facebook page for the last week and a bit so I recommend going over and checking it out, even if the single is the ONLY song on the album that sounds like territory they've slightly covered before...

The album itself - Green Naugahyde - apparently came out today in Australia. I went to get myself a copy to find out my nearest JB HiFi didn't have it. So I called up my second-nearest one before driving there and you know what? They didn't have it either. I was told that its the fault of MGM distribution, so all I have to say to you guys is - GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.

So there you go, a brief look at what a few people who defined my adolescence are doing these days. As critical as I may be of RHCP I can guarantee you that live these guys are another cup of tea and absolutely fantastic. That being said if they play a whole bunch of new album stuff I'd still be disappointed. Best bet though is to go out there and make your own mind up.

You might be thinking 'fuck the old shit, lets stay with the future of music, give the next generation a chance'' - as far as I'm concerned we DID give the next generation a chance and look what it gave us.. Bieber, Gaga, the Veronicas, fucking Short Stack, Reality TV contestants and Rebecca Black. The next generation doesnt DESERVE a chance. The next generation deserve a genocide, and if you disagree perhaps you and people like you do too. If you're 17 and listening to Bieber, shoot yourself. Or at least get the fuck away from this blog and NEVER come back.

I'm sorry, I'm not entirely sure where that came from.. needed to be said I guess. Welcome back to the dancefloor.

Move over Van She these Melbourne lads who go by the name Strange Talk have got your number.

Check out the music clip below for the track Climbing Walls it's catchy as hell and why do I all of a sudden have an urge to buy some new threads from General Pants strange!



You can check them out at the upcoming Parklife festival in your local town.

Tour Dates. 
Tickets on sale Tuesday 13 September 2011. Brisbane show on sale Friday 16 September 2011.

Thursday 10 November - Karova Lounge - Ballarat. Tickets on the door only.
Saturday 12 November - Corner Hotel - Melbourne. Tickets from www.cornerhotel.com / 03 9427 9198.
Friday November 18 - Elsewhere Bar - Gold Coast. Tickets from www.moshtix.com.au / 1300 Get Tix (438 849).
Saturday November 19 - Bowler Bar - Brisbane. Tickets from www.moshtix.com.au / 1300 Get Tix (438 849).
Friday November 25 - Oxford Art Factory - Sydney. Tickets from www.moshtix.com.au / 1300 Get Tix (438 849).

Dance Me to the End of Love

Just a quick one from me today. Here are a few of versions of one of my favourite songs - "Dance Me to the End of Love" by Leonard Cohen. I had the great privilege of seeing him perform this song live late last year when the great man was in town and it was an incredibly moving experience. These versions I think capture the essence of this beautiful song wonderfully. Enjoy.



The Civil Wars - a really great boy/girl duo doing the rounds at the moment do a beautifully stripped back version of this song.




Madeleine Peyroux gives this song a deliciously jazzy twist.




The man himself - live at the O2 arena in London on his last world tour (which I was lucky enough to see in Sydney).

Australia Does Got Talent! And It's All In The Hair

So as I sit here contemplating in thinly veiled fury whether or not to slam my laptop against the wall because the alleged video editing program, Sony Vegas, has again frozen my computer, further derailing my Splendour Video posts, I thought I'd check out some Murdoch Press for some well researched, balanced news to ease my throbbing cartoid artery.

And what do I find?
Well I'll tell you right now.

Jack Vigden has finally released his debut album! And who is Jack Vigden, you ask? Shame on you! He's only the biggest thing since Wes Carr. You know. That guy. The one with the hair. Looks like Jesus, but sings unholy, god awful songs, usually on the Manly Ferry route.
If you still haven't worked it out yet, Jack Vigden is the 14 year old winner of Channel 7's Australia's Got Talent, a title that's about as ironic as Donald Trump's hairpiece.

As News.com.au (another piece of irony) was offering an "exclusive first listen" to his album, I simply couldn't pass up the opportunity to read all about his rise from zero to shopping centre hero.

The twist is that Australia's most talentless morons host the show

It's been only two weeks since he tore down the competition and reined supreme on Australia's Got Talent, but he is now ready to unleash this amazing new album on the world. Wow, he really is talented. But what new music will we be hearing on Vigden's album? Well, if by new I mean the same mindless, factory produced, pop garbage, that sounds exactly the same as the last seven seasons of Australian Idol (and I think I do), then it's going to be some very new material indeed.

But naturally when you record an album in only 3 days, you can't expect to have all your originals on there. Vigden's gone for only two originals, and I use the term 'original' loosely. Maybe his original's are just that good that Sony wants to save all the best ones for his follow up album.

So instead we'll be listening to, as Vigden describes so eloquently, a "journey of songs I've grown up loving and singing." So a bit of Nirvana in there? Perhaps some Faith No More or Smashing Pumpkins? Hell, maybe even some Jamiroqui or Foo Fighters just for shits n giggles? Will I stop asking myself questions and then answering them? Shit no!
How about some of the greatest artists of all time! Great artists like Celline Dion and Mariah Carey.
Oh yeah, this album is gonna be huge.

Madame Tussauds has already completed it's wax replica for it's Sydney opening.
 Wait.. Oh my God it's REAL!

But just before Vigden commences his world arena tour he'll be playing a few smaller shows. For the fans of course. Oh, and Sony naturally as they now own him.
First stop: Warringah Mall. And who knows, if that goes well he might even make it to the new Westfield Shopping Centre in the city.
But of course he'll do well, I mean, as we all know, every winner of commercial television's 'talent' contests are born to perform. I'm sure Casey Donovan is doing... Something.

And is Vigden worried about being a victim of the '15 minutes of fame' sydrome? Hell no he's not! “It’s probably going to die down a bit, but that's fine. I just want to keep making great music and hopefully people will keep enjoying it."
You trooper. I'll enjoy it Jacky. Even if the great music you keep making is actually someone elses 'great' music, I'll be there, front of stage, Warringah Mall.

Don't let the haters get you down. They just don't understand. You're original. I mean, Justin Bieber's hair is brown for a start.

Beauty Rich and Splendid

First of all I'd just like to say - Homebake tickets went on sale yesterday - did you get one? If not, they're STILL ON SALE so go and get one by clicking here.

Anyway where was I? Oh thats right. You're probably all starting to wonder about the absence of Splendour coverage (from a visual aspect) and I'm here to tell you that the vlog will be here... eventually. The last I saw of Dean, our video producer, he was sitting in a dark corner of his room on top of a pile of smashed up laptops wearing a pasta strainer on his head and muttering something about a spaghetti-monster from Zion. So yeah... it'll be with us whenever it's done, or whenever Dean is finally released from the penal system. In the meantime I'll probably write something here or there just to help sate your appetites, you hungry dogs.

Splendour brought a hell of a lot of acts out for 3 days of debauchery and it's hard to find an artist that didnt perform or at least deliver to expectation. The thing of note for me, however, and part of why I'm on this massive 'Homebake' kick, is because of the performance of our countrymen and women, the Australian acts on the bill. Some of you might slap me around the head and go 'duh, Aussie music rocks'. For the most part I agree but I don't share your overstated and physically painful enthusiasm. Australian music walks the line, as does the rest of it, but expecting me to take some sense of national pride in a band just because they come from the same place as me has never been my philosophy. Not only that, but we really have released some shit over the years.

"THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!"

The even better thing is that every single one of them, except for maybe one or two, has a new album coming either recently or soon and the chance to hear new music is always exciting. First of all must come a mention for the man that most of the country seems to be raising a glass to at the moment - Gotye. Playing in the McLellan, and on the back of 'Somebody that I used to know' (can someone just award him #1 in the hottest 100 NOW?) the place was packed. Wally deals affably with the crowd. Kimbra came out and sang the single, which was almost worth admission alone, so haunting. The new songs sound absolutely smashing, complementing the old stuff well and flowing seamlessly. One of the most brilliant performances of the festival, spine tingling, intense, enjoyable and emotional at the same time. Its taken a long time to follow up 'Like Drawing Blood' but it seems that it's been worth it.

Earlier that day we'd had the pleasure of witnessing Melbourne-based World's End Press opening up the Mix-Up tent. Really its an unenviable position, one you have to work for. You'll either help people keep walking to the further amenities or another stage, or you'll suck them in to starting their day earlier than anticipated and these guys have no problem embracing the second notion. In a tough slot on a beautiful first day it was going to be hard to keep people but they did, and they were a truly awesome outfit to start the fest with. Third time I've seen them and they just get better and better. If you EVER get the chance, go and see these guys. Festival or venue, you can be guaranteed an excellent show.

Bluejuice were another of those festival favourites that really turned it on for Splendour. Ive seen them so many times I can't recall but by the same token, no two shows I've seen have been even remotely the same. The songs might be from time to time but they're always bringing a new visual element, or a new element of crazy to their shows. At the Big Day Out it was the jumpsuits that were slowly removed amongst the giant animals on stage. At Splendour it was visually spectacular with suits made of glowsticks, instruments lit up, new members to the live ensemble and that typical, relentless Bluejuice crazy that always keeps them in the back of your mind as the festival closes. A band that I've never really seen miss live. They've turned it into an art form.

When you hear 'live music' and 'art form' another Aussie band that is never too far from anyones mind is The Living End - and they were up to their usual tricks at Splendour. There may have been no guitar solo with a VB bottle this time (and if you've seen them even ONCE you know what I'm talking about) but the setlist was picked for old and new fans alike. The new stuff sounds good but didn't leave as much of an impression as how old Chris Cheyney is getting. And in that moment where I realise that I also have to stop and acknowledge that I am ALSO getting quite old. Still, if you don't know what to expect from a Living End show, you've never seen them live, and that really needs to be rectified. Energy, showmanship and an all-round good time constantly ensue. I've never seen the Living End and felt worse for the experience. Neither will you. Unless you ingest a massive amount of Heroin before or something.

Muscles is finally back and god I've missed that guy. The fun and hilarity are enough to enjoy on their own before you include the dense synth. The set was well picked and the Koalas coming out from time to time certainly added to the enjoyment. The man himself seemed a little nervous initially but got better the more comfortable he got. Playing a guitar and such shows that diversity is on his agenda for the follow up to the first album. He pisses off pretty much everyone else that writes for this blog but I dig the guy immensely. When you've got Kanye pulling off autotune solos in the main arena its nice to hear someone comfortable with their own voice, even if he can't sing that well. I saw him in the gold bar bathroom on Sunday and wanted to thank him for the show but I was well wasted and also hadn't washed my hands yet. And I think he knew that...

One of the major surprises/discoveries/whatever for me was Children Collide. Some of you may wonder how that can happen given the hype and exposure. I guess I just dont listen to the radio that much. They were a band I thought I'd know a song or two for, and ended up knowing about half the bloody set. It was quite evident that the frontman was wasted but their energy and surprising tightness really caught me off guard. A band I'll be taking every chance I can to see live in future.


While not exactly Australian in terms of residence, Architecture In Helsinki are another band I was incredibly keen to see. I'm a massive fan of 'Places Like These' and 'Moment Bends' is really growing on me too. The set seemed to pretty much be drawn from the two albums and the crowd was huge. Last time I saw them the sound was disappointing but on the night it was perfect. Finally getting to hear 'Like It Or Not' live means thats another song off the bucket list.

The Grates delivered in spades to a large crowd. Patience was up to her usual high-energy antics and the contrast between old and new stuff was once again played well. I still haven't heard the new album but I look forward to doing so given the impression some of the new songs made. The new band members are pretty superfluous however. They could almost do what Tool do and stand behind a curtain with about the same impact. That being said though I'm sure thats a matter of the live ensemble finding its feet in terms of performance because they can undeniably play as a band. The songs themselves sounded great and its another new album to look forward to.

I don't know why, but I always seem to wrap up these reviews with PNAU. They didn't even play on the last night so I don't know why but oh well. My thoughts on PNAU's new ensemble and material were covered pretty extensively in the Big Day Out review back in January, but I feel a little more needs to be said. At the BDO they were uninteresting, poorly mixed and in general unimpressive (once again, given how many times I've seen these guys and how truly awesome they can be). At Splendour it was a bit of a different story. Perhaps having a cover over the top of them helps the sound, perhaps playing around for 7 months has helped them work the crud out of the new songs, because its all sounding a hell of a lot better. I still don't see myself as the biggest fan of the new stuff, as I was with the previous album, but it makes for a nice contrast and a certain amount of diversity live.

Before you start harrassing me with 'what about this aussie band? Or this one?' - I am but one human. I can't divide myself into copies to go out and catch every artist on the bill, as much fun as it would be to have clones for drinking with and eventual regrettable sex. There were acts I missed, sure, but I also caught a hell of a lot. These are just the Australian ones I caught.

So overall? Australian music is in good hands if bands like these are out there representing us. I'm sure some of you hate these bands, Im sure I hate some bands you love, but we're all in this together. With HOMEBAKE coming up you're getting the chance to see so many of these acts and more in a specifically Australian setting. I used to be like you, the one sitting at your computer now scoffing and thinking 'Australian music... pssht'. But consider myself a ghost from the future, telling you not to write it off. Because theres gold out there, underneath the Veronicas. And isn't that where we all want to be?

STAY TUNED! MORE SPLENDOUR STUFF COMING YOUR WAY.... EVENTUALLY!

Getting Baked

When it was discovered that Homebake wouldn't be on in Sydney in 2010 the disappointment was palpable, as was the fear that Sydney had lost another one of its festivals. Not only that, but one of its best. Whether you like the idea of a music festival that plays exclusively Australian music, its a great day out in wonderful surrounds while at the same time being in the heart of Sydney. With no Homebake last year I had to take all my festival drugs at Carols in the Domain instead. It really wasn't the same. When you're tripping balls and the Wiggles and Santa come out on stage its freaking terrifying.

Anyway if you're not aware, though most of you undoubtedly are, HOMEBAKE is BACK ON for 2011!

Thats right, same time of year, same place, with a killer lineup to boot. Presales have already come and gone to the best of my knowledge but tickets go on sale to the general public on MONDAY! Not only are they on sale soon but they're going for the absolutely ridiculous festival price of $95 plus booking fee! If that doesn't make you feel like you're back in 2001... perhaps you need to shave off your pubes.

With more announcements to come the lineup so far stands as such:
GRINDERMAN//LADYHAWKE//PNAU//GOTYE//GURRUMUL YUNUPINGU//ROCKWIZ LIVE//CUT COPY//ICEHOUSE PLAYS FLOWERS//DANIEL MERRIWEATHER//ESKIMO JOE//DRAPHT//THE TRIFFIDS//ARCHITECTURE IN HELSINKI//THE VINES//THE CHURCH//THE JEZABELS//KIMBRA//C.W. STONEKING//HUNGRY KIDS OF HUNGARY//ILLY//AVALANCHE CITY//UNKNOWN MORAL ORCHESTRA//PAPA VS. PRETTY//KILLAQUEENZ//KIDS OF 88//PASSENGER//NOAH TAYLOR & THE SLOPPY BOYS//VENTS

First of all you'll notice Gotye and Kimbra BOTH on the bill. This means you can be guaranteed a live version of the amazing song 'Somebody That I Used To Know'. I can tell you from getting treated to it at Splendour that this one song will almost pay for the ticket itself. Recorded its nice, live its another level.

And on top of that there are still a plethora of acts to be announced. Splendour this year showed just how good Australian bands are managing to become, and you can be guaranteed a good day. As long as theres no Wiggles or Santa I should hopefully be fine and I'll be seeing you there. Even if you live interstate, this is a festival worth going to. I don't write for tourism NSW but I can highly recommend it. Come on, we went to Queensland for Splendour. The trip makes it all the more enjoyable. You know you want to.

Homebake Website - Official

Get Tickets

It Takes Two To Get One In Trouble

Keren Ann is exactly like your little sister who gets everything she wants despite the evil intentions it seems only you notice. “My Name Is Trouble” sees Keren Ann perfecting the balancing act between good and evil, as she delivers a honey-sweet vocal she’s actually warning you of her manic fragility that will surely end in your destruction.

Like a modern day Medusa, she draws you in further with every carefully executed stare and shoulder roll. And by the 2:14 mark, she’s well and truly got you in her grasp. The clip features some charming dance moves that you would be best served to learn for your next weekend outing. Success with the opposite (or same) sex is guaranteed.

Her latest release 101 is out now through EMI.

Splendid fun in the Sun. The SUN!

Patience has some 'words' with a punter

That’s right we’re back from another delicious year of Splendour in the Grass. My awesome red pants are now a lovely shade of brown, and when I do up my shoe laces great plumes of dust erupt into the air. Memories of another awesomely dirty and sweaty festival. Sweaty because the sun was out! For the whole freaking festival! Something that's almost unheard of at Splendour. No mud, just shitloads of dust.

Was the cost of the ticket worth the three days of festivities, mid strength alcohol and exorbitant food prices? I didn’t pay for my ticket, so I’d say absolutely! I also had access to full strength alcohol for almost the same price as mid strength, so I was pretty happy with the outcome. However, I still ended up spending the same amount I would have spent on a ticket, on food, alcohol and other random junk (like the organic donuts. They are the most orgasmic pieces of organic deliciousness that could enter your mouth, and I would kill for another one. Kill. Blackberry Jam donut. Wow. It’s like there’s a party in my mouth... and everyone’s eating donuts).

Not the same store, but definitely the same delicious donuts

Even without forking out for the ticket, Splendour is a massive drain on the finances. With all the camping gear you need to get, plus food and drinks for the weekend, the little ‘extras’ such as merchandise, you can quickly burn through that cash in the pocket. Alcohol can’t be brought in either, so if you want to drink you’re at the mercy of the festival prices which, as you can imagine, are fair and equitable. Of course, you could just forego the purchase of alcoholic beverages for the weekend and save yourself a bucket load of money, but that would just be weird.

In the end though, with all the bands you see and the quality of music that was played, the cost is quickly forgotten. As soon as you enter the festival grounds and are hit by those persistent beats following you throughout the festival grounds, money is quickly forgotten and the excitement of the day quickly kicks in. Consumerism at its best.

No alcohol for this guy. Just lots and lots of drugs ( just to specify, the one on the right.)

There were some grumbles from people about a relatively weak line-up following the announcements, but I found myself a few previously unheard of musical gems through my wanderings that I never would have considered checking out from just looking at the list.

So, some highlights for me? Well Javid has pretty much spelled out my feelings on the Kanye show as well, so there’s no need to go any further on that. But there were quite a few standout moments for me over the weekend. There’ll be some videos up shortly of our Splendour experience, but there were two rocking bands that you must check out now. Right now.

Javid and I stumbled across US blues band, Black Joe Lewis and the Honeybears while we were waiting for Gotye to start at the G W McClennan tent on Friday evening. 

This is pure blues music, almost unheard of in this age of pop music and ghetto blasters.

They caught the crowd by surprise with their high octane, gritty blues tunes. It had all the right ingredients: fantastic solos, dirty guitar, trumpets and tenor saxophones, and a singer who evidently has a love of the early blues pioneers such as Howlin’ Wolf and Muddy Waters. For the last quarter of their show, Joe Lewis introduced The Relatives onto the stage, a quintet of funky gospel singers from Texas all dressed in bright blue suits and yellow shirts. My God, these guys can sing. The crowd was already bouncing, but when these 5 men came onto stage and started singing their angelic harmonies to some beautifully gritty blues music, well that was enough to send everyone over the edge. By far this was one of the most surprising and entertaining acts of the festival, mainly because the energy and excitement was so high for the whole act. And the guy on sax was bouncing around on stage like Tigger on cocaine. It was quite a sight to watch. The fact he managed to keep it up for the duration of the set was quite a feat.

The other piece of musical deliciousness I stumbled across while walking past the Mix Up Tent was Fitz and the Tantrums, a six piece soul indie pop band also from the US. Their demands that people enjoy themselves were not particularly hard to accomplish considering how much fun the crowd was already having. With no guitar, a black guy on the tenor sax and 2 singers, one being singer/songwriter Noelle Scaggs, the soul just pours from the stage. Having never heard any of their studio produced material, I can still safely say this is a band you must see live. I’m sure their music would be outrageously funky on the CD, but to get amongst the sound and bounce around with hundreds of other excitable punters is where it’s at. They have a similar idea to Jack White and The Saboteurs by taking the fundamentals of blues and soul music, and adding modern pop techniques to create some 3 or 4 minute catchy little diddy’s. But naturally, without a guitar, and the addition of the sax, there's a whole new area of the music explored, and my God do they do it well.

There’ll be plenty more video reviews coming over the next week or so on all the bands we checked out over Splendour. Naturally all our favourites were fantastic. Patience from The Grates went absolutely crazy on stage, bouncing even more than usual and bantering quite a bit with individual members of the crowd before jumping in and crowd surfing for a few minutes. I’m sure there would have been a significant amount of ass and boob grabbing.

Pnau packed out the Mix Up tent and played a huge mix of old and new. While I still don't understand the point of the accoustic guitar, because you cannot hear it at all, they still put on an amazing show in typical Pnau style.

The Living End, as always, played a blistering show with all the biggest hits in there. There was plenty of stuff from the first album to keep the fans happy. And no beer swigging, VB, guitar sliding this time. Just Owen presenting his Double bass so Cheney could run up and bust out a solo from the top of it. I enjoyed it.

So to sum up, there’s not much that can be said against Splendour. The sound everywhere (minus Kanye with his music so loud it could almost induce brain haemorrhaging) was perfect and all the bands extremely tight. Sure the prices are exorbitant and the initial ticket price was massive, but these are things generally to be expected. It’s a massive weekend and requires a fair amount of saving up if you really want to get loose and spend without a care in the world. I have no idea how much it costs to run a festival so I don’t really want to comment on the cost of everything. No doubt the prices are a bit over the top, but as to how over the top they are in order to make a profit and run a festival with as much success as Splendour, requires a bit of investigation.

One certainty though is that Splendour is by far one of the best Australian festivals to attend. The flag waving red neck wankers are few and far between, and you are blessed by an absolute lack of talentless brain dead musicians, which are common place at other festivals like Future and Parklife.

Kanye wasn't really that popular anyway...

So you know now that next year’s Splendour will most likely be significant in cost. Prepare for it. Start saving soon. It’s a festival well worth attending… if you can afford it.

Imma Let You Finish, but...

WE'RE BACK! Thats right, Dean and Javid return from the depths of Woodford, covered in dust, moistness and fond memories to boot. Three days of absolute brilliance, with wonderful music, people and times. I'll go on in later entries. I literally just got home half an hour ago. Over the next few days and weeks we'll be hitting you with random reviews and opinions in both written and visual form but before it gets old (and it may well already have), we all need to sit down and have a good chat about Kanye.

I'll leave most of the nitty-gritty to the video stuff but some things need to be said. His production was spectacular, quite easily on a par with the likes of Rammstein (and I NEVER say that lightly). The dancers were haunting and breathtaking (for the most part. Assembling them the week before showed.. a little bit), the setlist was pretty much a winner from start to finish, and being the most packed I think that amphitheater has ever been, the atmosphere was truly incredible. I can put on 'My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy' now and get chills, its freaking awesome and ultimately, the show was amazing. There were certainly alot of talking points but no one can really deny that the man did put on a great show, a show that could easily sell out a national tour........... BUT

There were three things about the show that kind of annoyed me. I will detail them for you shortly but first, to understand my point, you MUST watch this footage I took, regardless of video quality, and LISTEN to the VOCALS. Thats all you need to do. You can even close your eyes if you want, I was pretty far away.


OK so here we go.
1. THE AUTOTUNE - if you really DID watch the video you'll already get the gist of what I'm saying. When he opened with 'Dark Fantasy' he sang as badly as he does on the record - and I honestly didnt care. I think most people were too busy being stunned by the immaculate stage, the dancers, and the fact that Kanye came up on a tower in the middle of the fucking crowd. By the time he played 'Monster' he was doing autotune vocal solos. That clip there of 'Lost In The World' is not even a QUARTER of the solo that he went on. It was confusing for a number of reasons - if he had the autotune why wasnt he using it from the start? if he cut out the wanky vocal solos would he really need it given that he cant sing anyway? was anyone really there to hear a vocal solo from a rapper? Its a very strange situation and was definitely the biggest talking point back at the campsite. Did it diminish the performance? Not very much, no. But to be honest I wouldve been quite happy to put up with bad singing as well, at least then its sincere and raw. If I wanted to hear someone sound like a computer I'd go listen to a Stephen Hawking audiobook.
2. THE VOLUME - if you've had the pleasure of going to Splendour at the Woodfordia site, you'll be aware of the vast chasm that is the Amphitheater. It holds thousands upon thousands of people and you can see from anywhere. When it was packed that night it was truly an insane feeling. The mix however was inconsistent and, for the most part, absolutely brutal to the ears. There were moments where it suddenly seemed to be alright ('Golddigger went OFF and I think alot of that had to do with the fact you could hear it clearly) and it was never that you couldnt hear what was going on so much as it was your ears were fucking bleeding. Our neighbours in the campsite said they stood right at the back (which is a LONG way) and they were deaf. Being toward the back for Kanye was like being up the front at a metal gig. A little less volume would have been fine. If anything Kanye had the worst sound of the festival. It was still audible, but painful.
3. THE 'FLOW' - Kanyes set was divided into three 'acts' - why? What story did each act tell? What did it mean? I've got no freaking idea. If you ask me the set could have been better off without it as it added absolutely nothing to it. Oh, except at the start of act 2 he stood on a box for a while. The other problem I had with the flow was that, when many of the songs ended, you'd get a second of the next track before it was cut, giving away what song it was but then spoiling the momentum. That was probably the most unprofessional aspect of the show and quite annoying. Makes you wonder if all they really needed was the autotune guy and someone to press stop and play.

So there we go. I'm not a hater. I was wonderfully impressed by the production and it'll stay with me for a long time. I was there, and theres a good chance that you weren't. This is how it went down. The rest of the festival was great too, but we'll get to that later.

3 MC's & 1 amazing director.

By now you've probably seen the Spike Jonze X Beastie Boys vid, which combines two of my favourite things together in one amazing clip. If you haven't, well feast your eyes on this. It's not as amazing as the 'Fight For Your Right Revisited' clip but Spike Jonze could direct me vomiting after a big night and it'd still be a beautiful thing.

Well now for a measly $750 you can get your hands on the Bathing Ape X Beastie Boys collectors edition figurines. Yeah, pretty cheap huh. So cheap you should just pick me up some too. Or pay my rent for the month plus some.

via Acclaim Magazine

Pictures & Memories

 Cameras are exciting and from Sydney. I know those two descriptors even make me nervous after the let downs Van She and friends became. But fear not, we've grown apart from the world of Modular. "I Know" is a broody teenager who refuses to make up their mind about what they want to be.

Driven by the darkened echo of a piano, it reminds me of my Grandma's piano which sounded like the only remotely kid-friendly thing to amuse myself with in a house that was never home to toys, just old tallboys filled with pictures and memories no one care much for anymore.



I know nothing else of Cameras than this one song and with the way it draws you in, you like me are compelled to find out more.

Do so on these dates at these venues...

Sydney: Sat 6th Aug @ FBI Social, Kings Cross Hotel

Sydney: Wed 24th Aug @ Beach Road Hotel, Bondi (w/ Owl Eyes)

Central Coast: Wed 7th Sept @ The Entrance Leagues Club (w/ Sparkadia)

Melbourne: Sat 17th Sept @ The Evelyn

They have a full-length which is due out later this year.

R.I.P

Amy Winehouse - 14 September 1983 – 23 July 2011

"Now Amy Winehouse is dead, like many others whose unnecessary deaths have been retrospectively romanticised, at 27 years old. Whether this tragedy was preventable or not is now irrelevant. It is not preventable today. We have lost a beautiful and talented woman to this disease. Not all addicts have Amy’s incredible talent. Or Kurt’s or Jimi’s or Janis’s, some people just get the affliction. All we can do is adapt the way we view this condition, not as a crime or a romantic affectation but as a disease that will kill. We need to review the way society treats addicts, not as criminals but as sick people in need of care. We need to look at the way our government funds rehabilitation. It is cheaper to rehabilitate an addict than to send them to prison, so criminalisation doesn’t even make economic sense. Not all of us know someone with the incredible talent that Amy had but we all know drunks and junkies and they all need help and the help is out there. All they have to do is pick up the phone and make the call. Or not. Either way, there will be a phone call." - Extract from Russell Brand's statement taken from his website.

Splendour Selection #9 - Gotye

If there is one person that I must check out at Splendour this year, and therefore you should too, it's Gotye. I was a late comer to his music, only really getting into the album, Like Drawing Blood earlier this year. But I cannot express just how much I have attached myself to his music. Actually, I can. A lot.

As Pix said in his recent post on Gotye's new single which you can read about (and watch the clip for) here, I found it hard to detatch myself from what I heard on Triple J and really find Gotye on my own terms.
Until of course I happened upon his first album while in a friends car. There followed a moment of extreme sentimentality and suddenly it was as though all his songs were detailing the same turmoil that was going on inside my head. The songs just spoke to me. Yes, that's right. I'd somehow reverted into an angst ridden, suicidal teenager who'd had an epiphany and suddenly discovered that Adam's Song by Blink 182 was in fact their own personal obituary. Written by some 28 year old retards who still hadn't quite worked out they were no longer teenagers.

Fortunately for Gotye (and me) though, his music has slightly more depth to it. Many of his songs take you on a journey of reflection if you immerse yourself in them enough, which can get a little depressing. But the songs are so lovingly crafted that at times you can't help but get lost amongst the layers of many horns and strings.

While Gotye does have a distinct sound, it would be hard to pigeon hole him into a specific genre. His styles range from the soulful jazz ballads to orchestral style masterpieces, with spatters of blues and rock throughout.
Every style he attempts, he pulls it off flawlessly.

Having now seen Gotye live yet, I am very excited to check him out at Splendour. I have only read rave reviews about his performances and friends assure me he is amazing live.

He takes to the stage at 8:30 PM on Friday at Splendour, so be sure to check out what's bound to be an amazing performance.
If you're unfortunate enough to be missing Splendour, then he'll be playing at the Sydney Opera House on the 20th August and tickets are relatively cheap.

Exclusivity In The Grass

Splendour is less than 2 weeks away. I'm excited! The constant drudgery of my shit job is slowly meaning less and less as the thing I've been looking forward to this year approaches. Everyone needs a light at the end of the tunnel, perhaps you do too - and you can still get yourself one because tickets are STILL ON SALE! Despite my predictions (I guess seeing into the future IS a load of horseshit). With the lineup that was announced, and the amount of hipsters that have jumped on the Splendour bandwagon I am really, truly surprised that it has still not managed to sell out. In a way it excites me, the last festival I went to that didn't sell out was the second Sydney BDO this year and it was great. But it raises one question in particular for me...

Both Kanye West and Coldplay (like them or not, they have something to do with my point) are playing Splendour as their ONLY Australian show. I'm also pretty certain that Regina Spektor is also playing her only show of the year there. It makes me wonder why.. at who's behest were these exclusive deals negotiated? Artists like Kanye and Coldplay could easily sell out national tours, multiple nights in the major cities and yet all they're doing is playing an hour or two up in Queensland before buggering off again? When you sit back and look at it, the most logical explanation to me is that the Splendour organisers arranged this themselves (and if you ask me that must have taken some SPECIAL incentive). They were no doubt of the mindset that people would be less inclined to go to Splendour if they could see these acts somewhere else, and an exclusivity deal is undoubtedly the best way to get sales. But you must then look at the target demographic of these artists - and while there are credible people in there, there are also a significant amount of solely pop-listening and underage people who can't really justify paying a considerable sum for a ticket to a festival to see one act.

we just raped and robbed the wiggles.. take that Australia.. see you next weekend!

The website crash also undoubtedly affected sales. But when it comes to these things festival organisers have to retain a certain amount of accountability for the options presented to consumers, system failures SHOULD be anticipated. High volumes of online traffic should also be anticipated. When you crash and are unable to provide the consumer with what they want straight away, resentment starts to build on their behalf, but also thought and consideration take over from impulse and they start to wonder how they're going to justify spending alot of money. Perhaps releasing timetables early and selling tickets per day is an option to assess, because lets face it, the ticket price this year, on top of transport, accom, festival food & drink, etc is alot of money for the average punter. Worth it? I'm almost certain it will be, but uncertain economic times scare people too.

So what am I doing here, having a dig at Splendour? No. I can see why they went with the exclusivity and it makes sense. I suppose I'm just thinking out loud, as confused as anyone as to why this festival hasn't sold out. I've been told that the new site is great but perhaps moving an hour north of Brisbane, adding another few hours onto everyones trip is another factor too. Who knows. If you've made a specific decision to not attend Splendour this year I'd love to know why, so please shed some light. And if you're NOT attending Splendour but really, really want to, you mustn't know that tickets are STILL on sale! So go and get one! I will be there, not that thats any particular incentive.

Splendour In The Grass

Splendour Selection #8 - The Living End

So The Living End are back for Splendour 2011. I know what you're thinking. "God damn it Chris Cheney, just get a new party trick for your stage show. Awesome, so you can play guitar with a VB stubbie. I've seen it 4 times now! It's no longer impressive."

I was thinking exactly the same thing.

The Living End have changed about as much as Grinspoon over the past decade. The only difference is, The Living End actually know how to play their instruments. And music. And I have some respect for the band members.

But lets face it, since their debut album, they've never really been able to capture that same unrelenting, mischievous, don't-give-a-fuck, rockabilly sound they bombarded the music charts and Triple J's Hottest 100 with back in 1998. They just didn't explore any more musical ideas or genres and seemed to stagnate on the same sound, album after album. Cheney then got all 'deep' and tried writing lyrics about meaningful social issues, but just ended up sounding like a superficial prat. The mischief was gone.

Having said all that, no one can deny the energy these guys produce on stage. I'll be watching them at Splendour before cutting it short to head to Regina Spektor. But if you have not yet witnessed The Living End in a live setting, then I highly recommend you make your way to the Amphitheatre stage at 9:15 on Saturday night to see them play. The beer bottle trick will be entertaining. If you've only seen it once, it's still rather good at that stage, and Cheney will most definitely throw his guitar high into the air (that's impressive to me, because his Gretsch costs about $8000, is one amazing guitar and he throws that thing fucking high.)

The live stage is also where this band belong and no CD can ever really do them justice. They are all fantastically talented musicians who know how to work up an audience. For that alone, they're worth a look.

They have a new album coming out too, which means new songs throughout the set will no doubt be significant. A new single has also been released, which you can check out here.

It does start with a bit of a different flavour before moving back to familiar territory. Will this be the album that brings back the 'classic' Living End? Probably not. But they're cool nonetheless and down to earth. And unlike Andrew Stockdale, Australia's second biggest douche after Kyle Sandilands, they're not full of themselves either.

So go see them. Support some Or-Stray-Ans. Just don't bring a flag. Please.

Forget About Harry

As a boy I spent all my afternoons watching Tin Tin, life was never better. When I got a dog, I named her Snowy however I never befriended a wily old sea captain... where I'm from that's probably for the best too.

Steven Speilberg has put his name to this one and the cast that's been assembled is equally exciting. I don't think I could think of a better combination for Thompson and Thomson than Nick Frost & Simon Pegg.

So forget about Harry and all that shit, the only saving grace of the movie was Emma Watson but she better knock off those cutesy art-deco pixie haircuts. I only bothered with parts of the first movie six months ago and it didn't surprise me that the mediocre masses, dying for something to cling to between Twilights would love it.

I can only hope the movie lives up to the trailer and we have a franchise worth getting excited about.

Splendour Pick #7 - Love Muscles

Muscles has been known to the whiteboydancefloor community for a while. Apparently he made some scathing comments on one of the other guys posts back in the foundation years but hey, I wasn't there and instead choose to regale you with my own personal experiences with this man.

When Guns, Babes, Lemonade was released in 2007, Triple J were absolutely HAMMERING 'Sweaty' (as well as 'Ice Cream' and 'One Inch Badge Pin', but it was Sweaty they seemed to have the addiction to). Anyway, the first time I heard this song, and this is the honest truth, I switched to AM radio. I must have been in an electro-phoic phase at the time and the multiple, absurd vocal tracks were intense and spontaneous, another quality I don't really associate with electro either. Given that my old car only had a tape player it was with the radio I stuck and over the next few months I was slowly able to wean myself into the track, with the bassline and the unbridled fun of it all eventually taking precedent. Coming back from overseas later in the year I got a casual job at JB Hi-Fi and it was the first CD I bought with my delicious staff discount. So essentially, in the space of a few months, I went from HATING it with a passion to loving it and not knowing why exactly. The album itself if brilliant, surprisingly diverse, well told lyrically and just a whole bunch of fun. Next on the cards was to see the man live, which led to two great and different experiences.

While I caught him at Splendour in... 2007(?) and liked the set, we were WELL up the back and the atmosphere was a little bit lacking. It was a cautionary viewing and I liked what I saw. The next opportunity to watch him presented itself later in the year at Homebake. Attending with two good friends, one in particular who had become a fan like me, we got ridiculously munted on narcotic substances (ahh how I miss the good ole' days) and basically assimilated ourselves to the atmosphere. It was an hour of amazing fun which ended with a collective and completely unhomosexual removal of clothing to 'dance with our shirts off'. While that may lead many of you to go 'so? I take my shirt off at festivals all the time', and that says alot about you, due to my slight manboobage and general hairiness I try not to do such things in public. Undressing because you're caught in the music is definitely a FTW moment. Would I have done such without drugs? Yes.

That experience sold me on the man and his music, and the next opportunity I had to catch him was supporting Daft Punk as they came out on the Alive 2007 tour, supported by a bucketload of Australian acts like Van She, Cut Copy and, performing stuff from their upcoming album Apocalypso, The Presets. A tough bill to stand out on, and the shit weather really didn't help. Muscles came out onto the stage at the start of his set proclaiming 'Hi, my names Muscles and when I play the sun comes out'. It didn't, initially. The set was still great and all but then, upon closing with 'Hey Muscles, I love you', true to his word the Sun made its first appearance of the entire day, he pointed to the sky as it crept from behind the clouds and the crowd went absolutely bananas. It was truly one of the most memorable, magical moments of live music I've ever had the pleasure of witnessing. Given that Muscles doesn't have access to HAARP it may well have been entirely coincidental but its moments like that which will stay with me forever. And I've seen Rammstein from the front. AND I wasn't even on drugs, which I liked to do alot back then. A truly magical moment.

So why am I regaling you with all these stories about one guy? Am I a closet homosexual? Am I stalking him? The answer to those last two questions is NO. The answer to the first one is because Muscles is playing SPLENDOUR! Which means I get to see him for the first time in a loooong time. He's releasing new stuff and headed around the country again.

Muscles - Koala (2011) by musclesmusic

I've spent today regaling you with my awesome memories . My recommendation is that you go and see the man live and make some of your own.

Tickets for Splendour are STILL AVAILABLE. Get them HERE
You can also get your filthy mits on Muscles new 'Koala/I'll Follow You' DOUBLE A-SIDE single by following the link to his site - Muscles Music