What Grinds My Gears

You know what really grinds my gears? No name bands telling me what to do. My specific gripe is that of lesser known / emerging acts who try and command a crowd before they've done the years of leg work to do so.

I think that in this day and age through the joys of the internet there is an over saturation of good (and bad) music on offer for us punters to choose from. The music listening public have an insatiable appetite for more, more, more and as a result I think some bands are able to shoot to global stardom before they've really proven their worth.

For me this all came to a head at Splendour In The Grass a month or so ago. Ernest Ellis kept commanding the crowd to dance, song after song, dance to this, dance to that. Give us something to dance to for God sake! Ernest's album had only just come out prior to Splendour and the decent sized crowd he pulled to a midday time slot showed how well he was doing for himself. For the record, I'm wild about his album and him as an artist but I'm sorry to say Ernest, you don't make me want to dance one iota.

I know it seems like I'm having a big crack at Ernest but by no means is he the main culprit. His crime was one of misguided persistence but he is in no way the main offender. The main offender is rock / alternative bands.

I totally understand that the world of 'chunky' riffs and 'rockin out' is a more appropriate setting to try and whip a crowd into a frenzy but it is so simple to separate the appropriate from the pretentious. I've seen a few gigs now where bands whom I love have been saying things like "I wanna see everyone in this fuckin' crowd move" or "we're not playing this next song until everyone makes some noise" or even the forced hand clap instigating mid way through a song annoys me somewhat.

These days because we are so spoiled for amazing music to choose from, we don't need you and we don't need to be told what to do. Bands have got to make us feel like we want to make some noise or move our bodies. I won't even go into the fact that just because a crowd doesn't "make some noise" doesn't mean they are not having the time of their life. When I went to see The Mountain Goats, you would never see a crowd more silent or more totally enthralled with what they were seeing.

So let's get one thing straight BANDS, we don't need you, you need us! And no I don't mean bloggers, I mean fans! We already twitter our good or bad thoughts live, it won't be long before technology means that fans will SMS their chosen set lists and vote on punting band members not pulling their weight. So don't forget that next time you're trying to tell me what to do. I'm paying to see you play not the other way round. I owe you nothing.

It may just be the fact that every biological year I age feels like 10 years mentally. It won't be long before I'm sipping pea and ham soup on my veranda couch telling punks to stop walking on my camellias. I voted Liberal, so I probably just can't handle the loud noises.

"People don't dance no more, (what!)
They just stand there like this, (uh huh)
They cross their arms and stare you down and drink and moan and diss (that's right!)"

The Rapture - "Whoo! Alright! Yeah! Uh-huh!" from ben dickinson on Vimeo.