For All The Mike Boltons

Before I try and make any sense, watch this clip.

In this day and age there aren’t many talented gangsta rap / hip hop artists struggling for a buck. You might have recorded in the ghetto but you can be cruising Sunset Boulevard on the back of one semi-successful YouTube fad. Just ask Antoine Dodson, he went viral without even auditioning for the sequel to Charlie Bit Me (Harry Strikes Back). Ironically it’s Aussie hip hoppers who have more traction to be whinging about living on struggle street, God knows no one in their right mind buys that shit.

If you want the Aussie market, you got two choices; you can either rap with Katy Perry or preach to the Michael Bolton’s of Australia. Yeah that’s right Ice Cube, you need us uncoordinated, uncool, middle class white boys. I relish the chance to put all the windows down in my Toyota Avalon and pump some bad ass shit that firmly identifies me as a Michael Bolton.

You’re fucking kidding yourself if you don’t admit to the same thing.

I need something I blast in the University car park before I put my windows back up and change the radio over to Talkin’ Sport on 2SM. Yeah I can hear the babes now “Ohhh he might be doing primary school teaching but dayum he so fly”. I need Ice Cube just as much as he needs me.

Ok so while no one is falling for the bustin’ out the ghetto, don’t be running yo mouth bullshit that Ice Cube tries to pull on his latest release I Am The West, I don’t think anyone in Oz cares. I just need something I be provided with the opportunity to say “fuck” really aggressively about cappin’ some G. Cube wants to keep it gangsta but I've never held as much as a butter knife in anger.

Burning down the M5, typically running late for University and I need a new song. There is only so many times I can keep flicking over from Ray Hadley and blast “Shutterbug”. Oh and I can give “California Love” a rest as well. Cube says “Who gives a fuck if they play this in Virginia” and I personally see this as the ultimate go ahead. 

Ice Cube – I Am The West – Track 8 – I Rep That West – Problem solved!

Every fingertip flick of synth, every filthy bass line run that compliments the chorus and every Ice Cube smack talkin’ lyric oozes West Coast clichés from every crack and crevasse. Crammed with West Coast bangers for East Coast Aussie white kids. 

I Am The West is out now through Inertia and he'll be hitting Aussie shores in October!

Australian Tour Dates
Sydney: 22nd October @ Luna Park Big Top
Newcastle: 23rd October @ Fat As Butter Festival
Melbourne: 27th October @ Palace Theatre
Adelaide: 28th October @ HQ Complex
Perth: 29th October @ Metro City
Brisbane: 30th October @ Tivoli

So you can run and tell that, homeboy!