I know I'm getting old. It comes with the territory but I've really been noticing it lately. No longer can I be such an impetuous youth, brimming with energy and a yearning for mischief. Not all the time anyway. Not much of the time at all really. If you work in a customer-based industry you can see that the youth of today are certainly not like we mid-to-late-20's people were back then. I was brought up with manners, I was taught to speak English properly, sure I listened to loud music, had my rebellious phase, whatever. Is it a sign that I'm getting old that I look at (most of) the teenagers of today and want to punch them in the face? Perhaps.
Thanks to the horrid decline of the Sydney scene over the last decade (which I'll cover some other time) I've recently had the experience of going to gigs I would normally go to, except now having to attend them as 'ALL AGES' shows (like I say, I'll get to why and how some other time). As such, I have had to share some of Sydneys live venues with the aforementioned youth who make me want to throw shit. As in all cases of this nature it is not ALL of them, just a noticeable few.
I never really had a specific objection to all ages shows originally. If anything, I like the fact that the kids of today can share their musical passions with an older generation under the same roof. This optimistic philosophy, however, has been ruined. So, if you're a teen and you're headed to an all-ages show, and there are no over-18's shows announced, heres a few tips to make sure that you walk out with your integrity still in tact.
1. Dress Appropriately
This one doesn't specifically have to apply to under-18's, Ive seen some people at festivals dressed like idiots, and calling themselves Funboys. But there is absolutely no need to dress like you're going to a rave, especially when you're not. I don't really think Little Red or Hungry Kids of Hungary (two recent AA shows) are music that requires the wearing of a singlet and sunglasses inside (as well as the fact its WINTER). If you're a girl, there's no need to dress like you're going clubbing. I understand your compulsive desire to look 'nice' but you can do that without making yourself look 'easy'. Once again this is a point that can be applied to everyone, but if you're a teen, you should learn it now and save yourself my contempt.
2. If you're only going for two songs, STAY AT HOME!!
At a festival it doesn't matter how many songs you know from a band. If you only know two songs, chances are they'll be played last and these things are considered when planning which stages to run between (and if not, take THAT as a tip as well kiddies). If you're going to go absolutely apeshit for your favourite song, thats perfectly justifiable too. A sideshow, or a tour show, is a longer haul with alot more material, some of which you may not know. Instead of tuning out, browsing the internet on your iphone, taking facebook photos of yourself and your friends on your iphone, or just generally being distracting and apathetic towards the things you don't care about, like a band slogging its guts out playing a song you dont know and/or care about, do your parents a favour and dont spend their $40. If you're only there for 2 songs and a social night out go to a karaoke bar. Oh wait, you can't, you're not even 18 yet. HA!
and if you pull out something to read i'll KILL YOU from behind..
3. STFU!!
Stemming from the seed planted above; if you're at a gig, if you're standing in front of a band while they play, don't do them the disservice of standing there and having a conversation while they do. Its perfectly fine to acknowledge other people, enjoy the times you share together. But you're at a concert. If you want to talk, particularly about something that has nothing to do with the gig, GET THE FUCK OUT! So many of these kids will stand there and, much for the previous reason, not give a shit about whats going on in front of them. Only waiting for the 2 songs they want to hear and thats it. And when theres a floor full of them, fuck its annoying. Until their song comes on and then it's all screams... which I still prefer to incessant talking.
4. Get Off Shoulders
This is not a permanent rule. Certainly the scrutiny of it can be varied depending on the venue and I suppose this is a more specific thing. If you're at a huge venue I suppose there's less chance of it being a problem but still. And I know some of you are thinking 'wtf Dave, I'm 32 and 5 feet tall so I've got no other option' - well maybe evolution is telling you gigs aren't for you. Im just kidding, but buy seats or some shit. Generally, if you're too short to see, get there early and get up the front, or find a place to strategically insert yourself so you can see. Don't get up on someones shoulders when you're only 7 rows from the front at a narrow venue you c*#t. Especially at venues like the Metro, where the standing is tiered so you can basically see from anywhere if you're too short for the floor. If you're in front of me, you can expect whatever I'm holding to hit you in the back of the head. Save it for festivals, where its your god-given right to get on someones shoulders. I'll still throw things at you, but thats just because I'm a douche.
5. Watch the Gig
And I suppose what I mean here is watch it with your eyes, not your iPhone. Once again you can come at me with the whole 'but Dave you've got like 70 videos on your YouTube account of gigs you've been to and filmed'. This is true, and yes I'll often spend some time with the camera out, taking photos or filming, but I'm not going to watch the whole gig, let alone a whole song, through my fucking camera, plus I write for a blog and have to review shit, and visual media helps. So shut up... But its contagious too. When you hold your iphone up and start filming, the people behind you start watching the gig through your little screen too instead of seeing whats going on before their very eyes. Watch it, its quite amusing. But yes, I can appreciate the fact that someone wants to take home a memory from the gig. Granted. But its so fucking annoying when 400 iPhones go up at once for the entire duration of.. you guessed it.. the only two songs you fucks were there to see in the first place.
You can call my arguments pointless, flawed, whatever the hell you want. Thats perfectly fine with me. You can say I'm a cynical bastard too, I'm fine with that as well. You may have stopped reading by now - in that case fuck you (because you're not reading this). My only hope is that some of you teens out there might see a trait in yourself that has been identified here, and the next time you go to conduct some of this tomfoolery at your next concert, you think twice, and have some consideration for the old bastards like me you have to share the venue with. Then we won't have to have this conversation again. Now go clean your room, I'm done with you.
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